Comments on: Avoid the Flippant Comfort of Hallmark Answers http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/ Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:37:46 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Holley http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-4010 Holley Tue, 03 Mar 2009 03:03:35 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-4010 Thank you so much for this powerful and insightful post. I'm...take a deep breath...a greeting card writer. I work for DaySpring, a Christian subsidiary of Hallmark. I'm also a woman who lost a baby almost three years ago. And a counseling intern who now works with grief support groups. Those two things have changed the way I write forever. When I put my pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, I remember that moment when new life slipped away from me. I see the faces of those who have let me enter into their sorrow. Grief is sacred ground and I'm humbled to walk there with my words. I do so carefully, prayerfully, and tearfully. That's as it should be, as it always should have been. Keep telling people what you shared above. It's essential. I'm going to share your post, and these comments, with others so they can better understand too. This is my first visit to your blog and I'm so glad to be here. I'm looking forward to reading more... Thank you so much for this powerful and insightful post. I’m…take a deep breath…a greeting card writer. I work for DaySpring, a Christian subsidiary of Hallmark.
I’m also a woman who lost a baby almost three years ago. And a counseling intern who now works with grief support groups. Those two things have changed the way I write forever. When I put my pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, I remember that moment when new life slipped away from me. I see the faces of those who have let me enter into their sorrow.
Grief is sacred ground and I’m humbled to walk there with my words. I do so carefully, prayerfully, and tearfully. That’s as it should be, as it always should have been.
Keep telling people what you shared above. It’s essential. I’m going to share your post, and these comments, with others so they can better understand too.
This is my first visit to your blog and I’m so glad to be here. I’m looking forward to reading more…

]]> By: Tiffany http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-886 Tiffany Sat, 31 May 2008 13:07:36 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-886 I could not agree more! I could not agree more!

]]> By: Lori http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-691 Lori Tue, 13 May 2008 03:56:11 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-691 I really appreciate these posts of yours concerning grief. This has been a major topic in my own life over the past year, although for a different reason. Experiencing grief has definitely made me aware of others hurts around me and what is helpful/unhelpful to them in their pain. Your posts are extremely helpful and insightful. Lori I really appreciate these posts of yours concerning grief. This has been a major topic in my own life over the past year, although for a different reason. Experiencing grief has definitely made me aware of others hurts around me and what is helpful/unhelpful to them in their pain. Your posts are extremely helpful and insightful.
Lori

]]> By: we two http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-648 we two Fri, 09 May 2008 19:07:43 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-648 [...] element of our experience has been others’ responses when we share our struggles. I read this post today, and found it resonated with much of what I’d felt. We didn’t experience the loss [...] [...] element of our experience has been others’ responses when we share our struggles. I read this post today, and found it resonated with much of what I’d felt. We didn’t experience the loss [...]

]]> By: How to Help Your Grieving Friend « The Pipers http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-587 How to Help Your Grieving Friend « The Pipers Mon, 05 May 2008 15:43:44 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-587 [...] Avoid the Flippant Comfort of Hallmark Answers [...] [...] Avoid the Flippant Comfort of Hallmark Answers [...]

]]> By: Aimee http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-567 Aimee Fri, 02 May 2008 02:18:44 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-567 Thank you for this series. I pray that I will remember your advice when it counts. Thank you for this series. I pray that I will remember your advice when it counts.

]]> By: proverbs31 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-549 proverbs31 Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:27:53 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-549 One more thing.. the main thing I'm getting out of this series is how long the pain lasts for the grieving mother, versus how long it lasts in the minds of others. I will forget about my friend's pain and loss for a while, and then think about it, realize it has been several months, wonder how she's doing, not want to bring it up because I'm sure that she's beginning to do better by now and I don't want to be the one to bring it up. When in reality, she probably still needs encouragement and comfort, and I never knew that before. Amber One more thing.. the main thing I’m getting out of this series is how long the pain lasts for the grieving mother, versus how long it lasts in the minds of others.

I will forget about my friend’s pain and loss for a while, and then think about it, realize it has been several months, wonder how she’s doing, not want to bring it up because I’m sure that she’s beginning to do better by now and I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. When in reality, she probably still needs encouragement and comfort, and I never knew that before.

Amber

]]> By: proverbs31 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-548 proverbs31 Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:19:40 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-548 You know, I never really thought about it that much, but I always buy blank cards so I can write in them. After thinking about it now, and listening to you write about it, you can believe I'll think about it intentionally from now on. I'm always afraid of saying/writing the wrong thing. I have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth too often. I'm afraid of saying things like "As a mother, I can't imagine what you are going through but I am praying for you," because not having lost a child, I can't imagine and can't pretend to begin to imagine and don't want to come across like I can. Amber You know, I never really thought about it that much, but I always buy blank cards so I can write in them. After thinking about it now, and listening to you write about it, you can believe I’ll think about it intentionally from now on.

I’m always afraid of saying/writing the wrong thing. I have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth too often. I’m afraid of saying things like “As a mother, I can’t imagine what you are going through but I am praying for you,” because not having lost a child, I can’t imagine and can’t pretend to begin to imagine and don’t want to come across like I can.

Amber

]]> By: Michelle http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-545 Michelle Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:07:18 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-545 I have never lost a child, but did lose my mother relatively young (I was 19). I'm not saying that those two equate, but some things seem to be similar--people didn't know what to say. Really, I just wanted to be able to talk about and remember her, and more often than not, it ended in laughter, not tears. I also remember not being offended by people saying she had died or was dead, but I was afraid to use those words for fear that I might offend someone else. Strange, huh? Mostly, I'm not sad, but there are times when I really do miss her. I think (I hope) it has helped me when someone else is grieving. My general with sympathy cards, is the fewer words, the better (i.e. I'm sorry and I'm thinking of you), because they usually seem to blather on and on with platitudes that don't really help, as you say. Thanks for letting me add my 2 cents, even if not exactly in the same vein. I have never lost a child, but did lose my mother relatively young (I was 19). I’m not saying that those two equate, but some things seem to be similar–people didn’t know what to say. Really, I just wanted to be able to talk about and remember her, and more often than not, it ended in laughter, not tears. I also remember not being offended by people saying she had died or was dead, but I was afraid to use those words for fear that I might offend someone else. Strange, huh? Mostly, I’m not sad, but there are times when I really do miss her. I think (I hope) it has helped me when someone else is grieving. My general with sympathy cards, is the fewer words, the better (i.e. I’m sorry and I’m thinking of you), because they usually seem to blather on and on with platitudes that don’t really help, as you say. Thanks for letting me add my 2 cents, even if not exactly in the same vein.

]]> By: Alison http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/04/27/avoid-the-flippant-comfort-of-hallmark-answers/#comment-532 Alison Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:37:32 +0000 http://thepipers.wordpress.com/?p=54#comment-532 Friends of mine lost a baby girl when she was five days old. The mother says one of the most helpful/beautiful things said to her was an older lady who gave her a big hug and simply said: "If I could take some of the pain away I would." Friends of mine lost a baby girl when she was five days old. The mother says one of the most helpful/beautiful things said to her was an older lady who gave her a big hug and simply said: “If I could take some of the pain away I would.”

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