Today is the 22nd.

March 22, 2008 at 1:50 pm 12 comments

We just got back from a trip to the snowy cemetery. With our 5 inches of very packable snow, we constructed a small snowman for Felicity. And we threw snow at each other. And I helped Orison make a snow angel. And we cried.

Abraham said some beautiful things today if you go here and here. The portrait was done by a woman in the church, who Abraham secretly commissioned, as a surprise for me. It hangs over the place where we once had her little bassinet.

Six months is a big milestone for me, personally. There’s something that happens when a baby turns six months, where they become so much more interesting, independent, personable. I just loved that phase with Orison. Not that I don’t cherish every phase, but for some reason, six months feels almost magical in my mind. It’s also significant to think that it’s been half a year. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago, and in other ways it feels like yesterday.

Thank you for thinking of us and praying for us this weekend.

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Entry filed under: Felicity.

Madness, not just in March He has done what he said.

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. shawnda  |  March 22, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    tears…

    love you!

    Reply
  • 2. Tina  |  March 22, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    Praying for you and your family. My heart still aches with you… What beautiful words someone left on your husband’s blog from More Love to Thee.

    Reply
  • 3. rachel  |  March 22, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    I just love how you guys remember and think about and observe these milestones in your journey with Felicity. Thank you for sharing, and for Aber’s’ beautiful words.

    Reply
  • 4. Stacey  |  March 22, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    Love the portrait…….

    Reply
  • 5. Sunshine  |  March 23, 2008 at 11:15 am

    Hi! I often times read Desiring God’s site and followed a link until I found your blog. After I read about your loss in September you and your husband have weighed heavily on my heart. I often times wonder how you are doing – I am so glad that I found your blog and I hope you do not mind if I read along! May your sweet family have a wonderful Easter! Sunshine

    Reply
  • 6. Courtney  |  March 23, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    Molly,

    My mom and I prayed for you yesterday. We cry for you often. Thank you for sharing.

    -Courtney

    Reply
  • 7. Andie  |  March 23, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Happy Easter! I was so glad to see you at church today. Sorry it was so rushed- I have just wanted to give you a hug and say “hi” for months now so I told Andrew that I had to run and do it before we left. I’m really looking forward to seeing you when we are walking around this summer. Maybe we can come see your nature preserve 🙂 Whatever happened with Mr. Fox?

    Reply
  • 8. Kellie  |  March 23, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    Molly- I loved the portrait- I might have to get her name. Feliciity just looks beautiful in it. Also I loved Abraham’s post on Empty- I wanted to leave a comment on his but all I kept doing it was rereading it w/ tears- it was very powerful.

    Reply
  • 9. Kendall  |  March 24, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    Hello Molly,
    I found your blog after a long line of “vias” including your husband’s and Desiring God…
    I wanted to let you know that the Lord used your loss to encourage me to continue looking to him even before He took my daughter.
    My baby girl – Autumn Elizabeth Lee – was born still on October 21st… almost an exact month after you lost your baby girl.
    But reading about your family going through the exact thing made me completely unable to say “Why only me?” when the doctor told us the unbelievable news.
    It was horrible – my firstborn child – gone before I knew her… but I KNEW that our Lord has also given this to others of His… and it kept me from despair.
    I’ve blogged quite a bit about it – but I find myself still drawn to others who have experienced the same kinds of loss… and the poem that Abraham had on his blog on Easter was perfect.
    Anyway, thank you for clinging to Jesus… and for reminding me (and others) that we are not lost in suffering – but that it is a special gift from our Father who loves us.
    Crazy, but true enough to stake our souls on. 🙂
    Blessings from Canada,
    Kendall Manz

    Reply
  • 10. Ashley  |  March 24, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    Such a sad experience. I cannot imagine going through that. My cousin went through the same thing a few years ago before I had my own children, and the pain she felt wasn’t something I could fully understand. Even now, with my own child, I can’t fully understand what that’s like, but I have more of an idea than before.

    But it’s so refreshing to see your heart for Christ during and after such an event in your life. Where so many run from God wondering why, you have run into His arms. That’s beauty.

    Reply
  • 11. Ellie  |  July 18, 2008 at 10:50 pm

    What a beautiful gift! I have hanging above my fireplace a painting, not of my daughter, because I did not get to see her, but a painting to remember her by. She died at 23 weeks.

    I was glad to read your post that both parents came right away, and that they let you have your daughter to hold.

    My daughter was born in a different country, and they just took her away in a plastic basin, and I never saw her. They threw her little body in the incinerator before I was really awake enough to ask. My parents never came. They did not really even phone. It was as if no one mentioned her death, then it would not be “real”.

    Years later, I was able to tell them that that had hurt. I wanted to talk about my daughter. I craved the ability to talk about her.

    Now, I have more kids, a few more boys, and one daughter. They talk about their sister. It is natural to them, like breathing. They talk about seeing her, and wishing she was here, about how old she would be. But they do not talk about her with pain, but with sadness. They miss her. But they know they will see here, and in some small way, her death has made heaven more real for them. It is not simply an unknown place where God is. It is where their sister lives with God, and they look forward to meeting her.

    Be blessed. Take time to grieve. I had to search your site for a picture of Felicity, but I was glad to see one. And it is ok to be nervous about having a third child. (Hated when people said, “oh, you can have another” as if my daughter was replaceable!) I was nervous. God will walk you through that fear when the time comes.

    Your daughter is beautiful.

    Ellie

    Reply
  • 12. Rebecca  |  September 11, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    I just wanted to tell you that I found your blog through a friend of a friend and it has touched my heart deeply. My husband and I just recently, 3 months ago almost, handed our sweet new baby girl into the arms of Jesus. She lived for a week and we are now living through what you have been and are living through. We were naive and had hearts full of hope and dreams at the birth of our daughter, Molly Ann. For reasons known only to God, she was only with us a short while.

    Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how much it means to another mommy to read how God is working your life through the loss of your sweet Felicity. I cried when I read how you made her a snowman and clean off her marker. Thank you for writing. It is encouraging as I let it sink into my heart and soul.

    Thank you.

    Molly’s mommy, Rebecca

    Reply

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