You’re not a stalker

March 24, 2008 at 10:39 am 118 comments

I’ve noticed a tentativeness among women in the blogosphere that I want to come against right now–you are (probably) not a stalker.

I know there are more people who read this blog than people who comment, and that is totally fine. But I’ve noticed that when a stranger or visitor does get up the gumption to comment, it’s usually laced with all kinds of insecure apology-like statements, like, “I don’t know you at all…”, “I just happened upon your blog…” or something to that effect.

My husband started a new blog a month or so ago, and he has people from all over the world visiting and commenting, mostly men, but some women too. I have noticed that men don’t feel the same compulsion to apologize profusely for reading another man’s blog, as though they accidentally stumbled upon his secret diary.

Let me assure you of a few things, and hopefully that will make the commenting flow more smoothly and eliminate the need for explanation:

  • This is a public blog. I fully expect and hope for people who I don’t know to read here and comment. If I wanted comments only from people I know, I would publish a private blog.
  • I really, really like meeting new people. It energizes me. Ask my husband.
  • You have probably found this blog through a couple different avenues, all of which are perfectly legitimate, and thus not stalker-like: 1.) the Desiring God blog, which my husband Abraham manages and writes for often; 2.) my husband Abraham’s brilliant blog called 22 Words; 3.) clicking through from one of my friends’ blogs where I’ve commented or where I’m listed on their blogroll; 4.) random googling.
  • I blog to connect with people that I wouldn’t normally get to connect with on a regular basis.

Often times, I find myself on someone’s blog after a series of random click-throughs, and then I go to relay the interesting thing I read to Abraham, and I can’t even remember how I got there. Does that make me a stalker? I don’t think so. At least I hope not.

This is by no means meant to be some heavy-handed bullying tactic to get you lurkers out there to comment. I just want you to know that you’re free to if you’d like to.

Of course the possibility still remains that you are, in fact, a stalker, but that is something you will need to deal with on your own time, probably with the aid of a professional counselor. Nevertheless, I’m banking on the probability that you are just another normal man or woman like me, who likes to read blogs, and found mine.


Entry filed under: Blogging.

He has done what he said. How to Help Your Grieving Friend

118 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Anna  |  March 24, 2008 at 10:45 am

    I’ve noticed that too, now that you mention it! This is a timely post for me because I just found your blog yesterday, through 22 Words, which I found through Desiring God. You seem like a really sweet family and I’m looking forward to reading more. πŸ™‚

  • 2. Elizabeth Patton  |  March 24, 2008 at 10:57 am

    It’s so funny that you should address this topic today, of all days!

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read through my “blog compilation” on my homepage and thought, “You know – I really should write a response.”

    And that’s were it ends.

    I guess for me, I feel like what do I have to contribute? Now don’t get me wrong, I have a perfectly healthy sense of self-esteem. I’m educated (Ph.D. in Linguistics), I love words, and I rarely walk away from an intriguing post without an opinion.

    So what gives?

    For me, it’s that online identity thing. How am I representing myself? It is accurate depiction? Truthful? Intelligent? Reasonable? Biblical?

    That’s an awful lot to lay on a simple blog post.

    Gotta go teach.

    See what I mean?

  • 3. Leslie  |  March 24, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Guilty. The other thing I do is write out a comment and then start to wonder how it will sound in your head (since you can’t hear my voice). Eight times out of ten I’ll delete it. Not just you, but every single blogger I read. Then, I get frustrated with my time management because I’ve wasted so much time fretting over a comment. I should probably delete this one, but I won’t. I’m turning over a new commenting leaf. Watch out, y’all! πŸ™‚

  • 4. Adam & Erin James  |  March 24, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Strangers, but not stalkers, in Wenatchee, WA…

    My wife and I have both been touched by your Felicity and your loss. My wife was pregnant with our 3rd child when the news came across the DG blog, which we keep up with. We prayed and mourned with you and the Piper family. I met Abraham briefly at the Text & Context conference in Seattle – I informed him we were “friends” on Facebook… πŸ™‚ I have a similar testimony to his and of course, his dad’s preaching/teaching ministry has had a great effect on our family. We’ve been in ministry for 9 years and are at the beginnings of helping a new little church plant get going. We have Grace (6), Benjamin (2) and Noelle (born 1/18/08). It’s great to find godly couples/young parents who you can be encouraged by and see evidences of God’s grace and jouney together even as strangers from a distance – though united in Christ…

    May your family be strengthened and blessed and continue to bless and strengthen others.

    Adam & Erin James
    Wenatchee, WA

  • 5. amandaginn  |  March 24, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    Hi Molly!
    Thanks for this post. Jessica Hughes, my “bestest” friend, shared your Xanga blog with me many times to cheer me up with Orison’s stories and songs. I would check in every once in a while for about a year, and now I’m checking almost daily! In fact, I recently decided to start a blog because I found yours so inspiring.

    Thanks for making me not feel like a stalker.

    Amanda Ginn
    St. Paul

    P.S. Jessica is staying with us this weekend — I hope you’ll be able to connect with each other while she’s here. She loves you guys a whole lot!

  • 6. JessicainFlorida  |  March 24, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    Aaaaand my life comes full circle. Molly, meet Amanda. Amanda, meet Molly. Now two of my favorite people are cyber-friends.

    Great post, Molly. I find myself feeling a little stalkerish from time to time, even on my friends’ blogs. There are so many things we have to learn in the world of online communication. It is great to have your encouragement to comment…or not.

    I can’t wait to see you. I’ll e-mail to set up a time that works best for y’all. Love, love love from Florida!


    PS – O looks so handsome in his suit over on Aber’s blog!

  • 7. Danielle  |  March 24, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    I just discovered your blog today and read this post, so thought I’d say hi! I’ve enjoyed browsing your blog. Nice to “meet” you.

  • 8. Shannon  |  March 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    Thank you for saying that πŸ™‚

    I always feel kind of tentative about responding to a post because you have no idea who I am, lol.

    So I guess I will introduce myself…My name is Shannon, I am mommy to four boys and pregnant with #5 (a girl!). I started reading your blog in October and have truly felt for you and cried with you in your posts about losing your daughter. My husband and I have attended the DG conference for the past 2 years, and will continue attending them forever, lol.

    Last year, I had my 10 month old with us, and spent a lot of time in the lobby at the conference, watching the tv. I was able to see little Orison who was just getting loved on by everybody!

    So now that you know me a little…I won’t feel too weird commenting on your posts!

  • 9. Nicole  |  March 24, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Hi Molly! I’ve noticed the same thing. I’ve even had people I know ‘confess’ to me that they read my blog and ask if that is okay. On the other hand, I must admit that I’ve been reading your blog for abut 6 months now and refrained from commenting because I don’t ‘know you’, so I’m just as guilty!

    I’ve been really encouraged by the way you’ve shared your grief with your readers after losing Felicity. It’s wonderful to hear you talk about your love for Jesus in the midst of such suffering, I know you’ve been an encouragement to some of my friends who recently lost a child as well…

    Anyway, thanks for your blog. Now I’ve introduced myself, maybe I’ll comment again :).

    Nicole (from Australia)

  • 10. Shannon Archer  |  March 24, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    Okay…I get your point…my name is Shannon Archer and I have been reading your blog for quite a while without commenting as well. BUT…I AM stalking you and it is really convenient since I only live a block away;-)

  • 11. Susan  |  March 24, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Hey little girl….want some cookies??? I am currently holding 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in my hand: Tagalongs, Thin Mints, and Samoas. I would love to mail them to you!

    Please let me know if you’re interested!

  • 12. puremotif  |  March 24, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    i read and comment so i guess it doesn’t apply to me πŸ™‚

  • 13. Ashley  |  March 24, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    I absolutley LOVE blogs and spend WAY more time reading them than I should! I wonder what else I could get done in the day! I just found your blog though some series of “clicks” and wanted to say hi!

  • 14. Gabby  |  March 24, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    MOLLY! I love reading your blog and I’m so glad you have a blog I can comment on now because I never could with your xanga one. Anyway, I love reading your thoughts, you can read mine if you feel like πŸ˜›

  • 15. Marsel  |  March 24, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Great post — thanks…now I will comment and not feel like a ‘stalker’!

  • 16. jennifer  |  March 24, 2008 at 6:56 pm


    I just read your blog for the first time over the weekend, but after reading this post I can tell that I REALLY like you. πŸ™‚ I get paid to edit other people’s words so that they communicate a relevant and profound truth more clearly. You do that quite well– and this post is a really good example of that! I hadn’t ever thought about this aspect of blog culture, but you nailed it on the head. Thanks for pointing out a reality I hadn’t thought of!

    Many blessings to you and your family–
    Jennifer L.

  • 17. Melissa Parnell  |  March 24, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    I was going to comment on your post yesterday but didn’t for the very fact that you addressed in your post:) As others have said, very timely.
    My husband just got accepted to TBI, and we will be making our move up there sometime this summer. I thought it would be good to make some contacts with people before we got there and what a better place than the blogosphere:)

  • 18. Tina  |  March 24, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    Ha, you used my line of “you don’t know me at all.”.. I guess you just never know what someone will think.. but I should have known better! Incidentally Leslie in comment 3 was the instrument in leading me here and I am so glad!!

  • 19. Molly  |  March 24, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    Tina, thanks for letting me use your line. πŸ™‚ I’m glad you’re not scared off.

  • 20. Emily Meyer  |  March 24, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    Thank you for your honest blog points! I too have many random wonderful people on my blog. We used to attend BBC and I first met you in prayer when you lost your wonderful baby. I too have lost two babies in miscarriages and know the deep pain of loss. It has been a joy to pray for you all

    I also worked at BGEA 00-01 for some of the same time A did. He did not know me, but I knew and prayed for him.

    We now live in Shanghai, China and you are welcome to visit our blog anytime!

  • 21. Kerry  |  March 25, 2008 at 12:19 am

    funny to come upon your blog for the first time today and get the delurk msg! makes it easy to go ahead and comment. we’ve been readers of the desiring god blog for some time, but just learned of 22 words and your blog today.

    your father-in-law preached a missions conference at our old church (pcpc-pca in dallas) probably 7 years ago now…and we’ve been hooked ever since.

    blessings to your family…i’ll be back to visit again!

  • 22. Colette Frazier  |  March 25, 2008 at 4:43 am

    I’m so happy to find your blog!!! i got it thru the Donovan’s-thru 22 Words- which Brian looked at last night for the first time. Oh, I miss you and think about you all the time. I’m so glad I can keep up with you now! we have a blog too– We’re in India and it’s so great to have blogs of friends back in the states to feel connected.
    Orison is so grown up! he was a baby when i saw him!
    I hope you had a wonderful Easter!

  • 23. diane  |  March 25, 2008 at 4:46 am

    thanks! Enjoying your blog. I did meander my way to you through Desiring Nice to meet you Molly. πŸ™‚ I have prayed for you and Abraham in the past six months.
    I have been a daily visitor to for years and years. Your father in law’s book, Future Grace, changed my life! It caused me to treasure Jesus like I never had before! πŸ™‚ yay!
    I expect to be a regular reader of yours and Abraham’s blogs.
    have a great day! blessings!

  • 24. gaby  |  March 25, 2008 at 7:14 am

    πŸ™‚ made me smile.. πŸ™‚ first time here – promise i will make comments when i have something to say πŸ˜‰

  • 25. karla  |  March 25, 2008 at 8:31 am

    I am totally stalking you, almost obessively for a while, but as of late I have backed off πŸ™‚ I love you and I am so happy you have continued to blog! You are a much better person than I.

  • 26. ~Kim  |  March 25, 2008 at 8:36 am

    Hi. After that post, I am officially de-lurking. πŸ™‚ My family and I were visiting BBC the weekend you lost your little girl. I found myself thinking about you and praying for you, and right around that time, I found your blog through another blog that I can’t remember how I ended up on. And, yes, I have been reading and not commenting. I guess I did feel a little weird about commenting since I don’t know you, so thanks for clearing the air for all of us who were a little afraid we might be stalkers! πŸ™‚

  • 27. JenR  |  March 25, 2008 at 10:54 am

    I, too, have been reading your blog since Sept without commenting. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in Sept and can only glimpse through a glass darkly at what you are going through. I knew you from PSU Nav days and Rebz encouraged me to check out your blog when I told her of my miscarriage. Through your tragedy, I have been better able to process my own loss, and have also learned how to more sensitively talk with people who struggle with pain regarding pregnancy (infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, etc). Thank you.

    Also, I showed my family the video of Orison singing “Holy, holy, holy” over Christmas, and my sister has since then shown the video to all of her friends in PSU Navs!

  • 28. jenna  |  March 25, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    you know what sucks about you, molly? there’s only one of you! (and that’s the thing that’s wonderful about you, too!) love the transparency, graciousness and understanding displayed in this post!
    one more thing…
    do you want to know what i was thinking when you were singing at church the other night? i’ll tell you. it wasn’t biblical. it was just a knee-jerk thought, i guess. i thought something to the effect of, “abraham has the best wife…he’s a lucky guy.” i know i should have just been thinking about the cross and what Christ did on it, but that thought snuck in there. (i think he was thinking the same thing!)

  • 29. Stacey  |  March 25, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    It actually irritates me when people read and don’t comment. I feel if you are going to read others material you at least need to say “Boo” once in a while. I have like 1700 hits but 3 comments. HELLO……….someone is stalking me hahahahaha. I will take whatever I can get. It is what it is.

  • 30. Abraham Piper  |  March 25, 2008 at 1:13 pm

    Indeed, I was, Jenna.

  • 31. Melanie  |  March 26, 2008 at 2:09 am

    Thanks for letting us know it is “ok”! πŸ™‚ I found your (xanga) blog through a google search last fall, just because I wanted to know how a mom could get through what you had been through and remain, well, able to function. My 3rd child had to have heart surgery 3 years ago when she was born, and I don’t think I slept for 3 weeks while we were in the hospital. I was not at peace like I knew I could be, and I know the Lord wants me to learn it. Tomorrow, I go in for surgery and I am 13 weeks along with my 5th, and I am nervous, but more at peace knowing that others go through “bad” stuff and are able to go on. Thank you for being so nice and transparent and helpful and willing to serve. You have been used of God already in my life! I pray for you and your family often…

  • 32. robyn  |  March 26, 2008 at 7:14 am

    holy crap, molly! you do have some serious readers. I wonder if I do too? I wouldn’t know! very few comment on mine as well.

    what a blessing! happy comment-reading to you!


  • 33. Christen H.  |  March 26, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    Hi, Molly! I just found this blog a few minutes ago (via Abraham’s, via DG) and was really excited to get to “see” you. My husband Sam spent a summer in Minneapolis a few years ago (before we were married) and loved being there – he got to spend some time with Abraham and loved him, too, so I was excited to have a little view into who y’all are.

    Thanks for your posts about serving grieving friends, it’s really helpful. We have prayed often for y’all since hearing about Felicity – may God bring joy in the midst of sorrow. We’re expecting our first right now and know we could easily face the same, or similar, thing. Thanks for your encouraging testimony.

    Nice to “see” you πŸ™‚

  • 34. Molly  |  March 26, 2008 at 3:36 pm


    Of course we remember Sam! Glad you all are doing well–congrats on the baby, and thanks for visiting the blog.


  • 35. Tracy  |  March 26, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    I enjoy your blog and have grieved with you. My life has been changed by the preaching of John Piper, which is how I somehow found you! ha ha.

    I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom with two children.

    Thanks for your blog πŸ™‚


  • 36. Maggie  |  March 26, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    Well…in that case…I am Maggie Meehan. My husband and I live in the Raleigh area and are dear friends of Mary Grace and Christopher Peters. We live in Raleigh with our two daughters and our extended family lives in the Minneapolis area. My brother-in-law attends Bethlehem Baptist.

    Okay, I feel better now. I read your page all of the time πŸ™‚ First found it just like you said, by a series of clicks on other people’s blogs. I think it was a comment you made on the Peters’ blog that made me click on a link.

    Maggie Meehan πŸ™‚

  • 37. bimw  |  March 26, 2008 at 11:23 pm

    Hi Molly! I have commented before, but it was a long time ago. I have still followed your blog but havent been commenting lately. My name is Katie, and I had a little boy born on Sept. 23rd at 20 weeks. I was very saddened by your loss of Felicity, and as I was mourning my loss at the same time as you.

    I will try to quit lurking so much and comment more!!!

  • 38. Megan Harris  |  April 2, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Hi Molly,
    I’m a blogging rookie and I don’t have my own blog, mainly because I have no idea what I’d fill it with. Anyway, I wanted to add my thanks for your encouragement to comment. I wasn’t sure of the etiquette here.
    I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and an 8 month old girl. I was acutally holding Gracie in my arms when I read about your loss. She was only two months old . I just held her tight and cried for you.
    Your posts and your husbands Easter post have really edified me. Priase God for His faithfulness! I look forward with you to the day when you will see her gloriously alive, basking in the glow of the Saviour.

  • […] April 6, 2008 in Uncategorized Molly wrote about it best right here.Β  […]

  • 40. Sarah  |  April 6, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    Love this post! What a neat blog, can’t wait to come back πŸ™‚

  • 41. kristin  |  April 6, 2008 at 9:50 pm


    Your blog is simply…faboo (my jr. high term for FABULOUS.) What I mean is that you are as articulate, warm and intelligent as a blogger as you are in ‘real’ life! Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly with us, your readers (well, I am an occasional reader at least — when “mi vida loca” allows). Every blessing in Christ to you, Molly!


  • 42. Please say “hi.” « The Ginn’s  |  April 9, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    […] a new record. So I’m wondering — who are all you people? To quote a fellow blogger, “You may be a stranger, but you’re not a stalker.” It’s okay if you just want to peekat the site and then go about your business. But if you want […]

  • 43. Brooke  |  April 10, 2008 at 10:59 am

    That was nice, someone else actually had it posted and I wanted to come here and say WELL PUT!

  • 44. Joel Button  |  April 10, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    My daily prayer for you and Abraham has been that joy would seep and meander and flow and ebb and drip into your lives more and more. May God continue to use the web, blogs and people you don’t know to accomplish what He wants.

  • 45. lirio  |  April 11, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    I wandered over here from your husband’s blog. I found my way there from the A Prairie Home Companion website. I thought his poem was marvelous. I’d have told him myself, but I just felt more comfortable posting here. I’ll wander back when I have more time to read. I am definitely not a stalker.

  • 46. Tara  |  April 13, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    Hi Molly,

    Loved your post, so much so that I thought I’d comment πŸ™‚ I found your blog from Shawnda (another blogging buddy). I have prayed for you often and am soaking in your How to help a grieving friend posts. My sister-in-law just recently lost her mom and I have another friend who just recently lost her baby at birth. I am often at a loss of what to say so I just pray a lot! I appreciate your insight- it has helped me tremendously!

  • 47. Kay Heikes  |  April 15, 2008 at 8:34 am

    Hi, Molly,
    Well, I decided to let you know what good friends you and Abraham have become to me. Since I think you wont feak out and think I am a stalker:) See, first it was your Father-in-law who God sent to encourage, teach, and challenge me like the father I never had. Funny, I have never met him or seen him in person but my relationship with him through his writings feels like a worn, comfy blanket. Tears are forming in my eyes as I write this. I believe in so many ways God has healed and restored me through the truth I now better understand because of John Piper.

    I had read Don’t Waste Your Life the summer before the September that my 8 year old son would be severely burned at our home and life-flighted to the children’s hospital. I remember as our neighbors drove us to the hospital thinking..”You are sovereign God. This does not surprise you. Hold me, hold Josiah and help us see your plan unfold. Make yourself known to this little 8 year old boy who desperately needs you.” Always in the past I would have been “Why God, Why me, Why us!!!” But because of that little book, I knew God had a huge plan to reveal Himself to Josiah, my husband, me, our families and our community. I had hope in my darkest hour.

    Now through Pastor Piper, I have been introduced to his wise and honest son and his beautiful, gifted and wise beyond her years daughter-in-law. Through your blog, Abraham’s blog, and the other blogs of your friends you list I have found such kinship in spirit and thought that I did not know existed. I feel a little less alone in this world with my desire to follow hard after Jesus. Thank you Jesus for the internet and the world of blogs and for new found friends across the country and the world. -Kay Heikes

  • 48. Jen D  |  April 17, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Hi Molly –
    I am new to the world of blogging and found your blog today through Jenna’s blog: I found Jenna’s blog through another friend’s blog, Jenny at “A Latte Talk.” I also am pretty hesitant to comment on blogs of those I don’t know, but after reading this particular post, here I am commenting on your blog! Thank you for sharing your life so honestly and transparently. Your story brought me to tears this afternoon. I am so encouraged by your faith.

  • 49. ED  |  April 19, 2008 at 3:55 am

    What a thoughtful and friendly blog. I just thought I’d leave a comment because it’s a legitimate activity: another innocent fascination to beguile on the net! Happy blogging.

  • 50. virgomonkey  |  April 22, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    I’m a stalker, and I just came by to say hi. πŸ˜‰

  • 51. Susan Mohler  |  April 29, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    I love this post~ It’s so true, and you put it in such a sweet & sincere way. Yes, I’m another normal woman like you, who likes to read blogs. I’ve only recently found your blog, having come from Pyromaniacs to band of bloggers to 22 words to your site. Gotta love the way clicking through blogs leads to new friends. πŸ™‚

    Your blog is a blessing to read, Molly. And now that there is a step-by-step tutorial here on using the Google Reader, I’ll be a more regular reader! Thanks~

  • 52. The Responsible Puppet  |  May 2, 2008 at 9:28 am

    […] – I hope, now that it’s apparent that I’ve done all of this research, that Orison’s mom still thinks I’m not a stalker. […]

  • 53. nmwally  |  May 11, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    Oh I’m so glad you posted this. I stumbled upon your blog via another blog (Badgers on the Loose) that I stumbled upon through another friend, and was feeling a bit stalker-y or something! I now feel comforted that there are other blog-junkies out there like me. πŸ™‚ By the way – I love your blog, and your sons songs crack me up. πŸ™‚

  • 54. Sharon  |  May 23, 2008 at 3:00 pm

    Hi ! I thought this was P.John Piper’s blog so I decided to check it out..surprised to find a young family but I am blessed with what you’ve been sharing here. Thanks!

  • 55. Ben Mordecai  |  June 27, 2008 at 10:14 am

    But I still want to appologize!

  • 56. Jessica  |  July 3, 2008 at 8:23 am

    Well put. I appreciate how you use your observations to pry open a potentially-hidden opportunity for an encouraging teaching moment.

    I am also encouraged by the one-two punch of yours and Abraham’s blogs. They delightfully complement each other while establishing your distinct identities.

    In teaching, an important element of classroom time is “guided practice”; after the initial instruction has been given, the teacher models for students the manipulation/application of the info. How often–even in the church–we can be lacking examples of guided practice for how to real-ly respond and BE ! Thank you for helping to fill that gap. Thanks for your modeling good humor, too πŸ™‚

    You and Abraham are ministering “more than you know”, to borrow a phrase from Madeleine L’Engle. May you both continue to be thoughtful stewards of the portion God has given you.

    I’m glad to know you bloggishly!

  • 57. Curls and Caffeine » Let’s Not Keep In Touch Part II  |  July 5, 2008 at 10:39 am

    […] suppose this is going to be an ongoing battle. I still love the way Molly Piper dealt with visitors on her site. Her policy stays true for all of you that haven’t had a […]

  • 58. Michael Paine  |  July 7, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    I am so grateful for your blog series on how to help a grieving friend. A new friend of mine lost her new baby just an hour after he was born and I have been so crushed in my spirit because 1. I don’t know her that well because we are new at this church 2. I just don’t really know how to comfort someone that has had a loss of this magnitude. I want to comfort her in the best human way and I thank you for opening up and giving those of us who have no clue as to how to help someone going through this season a clue. This is going to open up the communication lines between us. Thanks a million,

  • 59. Guys and gals and stalkers « Jason Sessoms  |  July 8, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    […] Read Molly Piper’s thoughts concerning those commenting on her posts. […]

  • 60. Pink Sunshine  |  July 11, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    I have just come to your blog through 22 Words which I came to through goodness only knows what – once I start looking at blogs I sometimes can’t stop and find that far too much time has gone by! I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed it and that you sound like such a lovely and loving family. You are very inspirational πŸ™‚

  • 61. Mrs. Terry B  |  July 15, 2008 at 12:22 pm

    Some people seem to have a misunderstanding of blogs.

    They see them as personal journals.

    On friend did call me a stalker….

    Now I say I have my favorite “pastor blogs” that I read. Sounds more spiritual πŸ™‚

  • 62. You’ve Got A Friend « Pink Sunshine  |  July 15, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    […] came across this great post You’re Not A StalkerΒ about leaving comments for people you don’t know and I echo her sentiments – please, go […]

  • 63. lsbmusings  |  July 16, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    I appreciate your warm welcome and am responding with a heartfelt thank you. I log onto Desiring God almost daily and there read Abraham’s blog titled, 6 Reasons Pastors Should Blog. Although I’m not a Pastor, it inspired me to give it a try. I even blogged about it linking to Abraham’s blog –

    It’s a joy to get to know your family through your blogs. Keep them coming!

  • 64. citystreams  |  July 17, 2008 at 8:39 am

    Well said! I might borrow this idea for my own blog. I love how you put the link in your side bar.

  • 65. MIssy  |  July 17, 2008 at 9:32 am

    I love that you placed this on here about strangers reading blogs…I found yours through rocksinmydryer and I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty about your journey. I have been through the loss of a child through miscarriage (10/30/04) and it rocked my world. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs and for guiding others on how to help. I know your willingness to share Felicity’s story will bless others – it did me! I cried as I read, with grief for your family, but also with comfort in knowing that someone else gets some of the things I went through. God bless you and your family.

  • 66. lorijo  |  July 17, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    commented on my first visit =) came here via 22 words. blogging and linking are such a maze sometimes, i even wonder how i’ve found some things that i have sometimes. fun!

  • 67. beckycollins  |  July 22, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    Love the post. I agree, with it completely. Dont even know how I got here, but I like it!

  • […] and read a good post over at The Pipers about […]

  • 69. Deron Arnold  |  July 30, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    Well, thanks for the encouragement because that does enter my mind on occasion.

    I mean a married man talking in a very personal way with a married woman…there is a little hesitancy. And I think, in general, that’s OK to proceed warily.

    I recently realized that most of the blogs I read are by females. I don’t know if that’s because there are just so many more females blogging or what. I do think it would be even more awkward for me to talk personal stuff with an unknown male.

    With a guy, I’d talk about a golf score, fixing up around the house, or yesterday’s ball game. Nothing about hopes, dreams, desires, or fears.


    I discovered your blog through, a ministry that has really changed my life. I really appreciate what your husband and your father-in-law are doing.

  • 70. Blog Commenting is Not Stalking at A Brick in the Valley  |  August 3, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    […] Here for Molly’s explanation that commenting is not stalking. […]

  • 71. gunny93  |  August 4, 2008 at 2:39 am

    You don’t know me, but I have at least met Abraham before at a conference, so … πŸ˜‰

    Actually, I found this piece quite liberating, particularly after an experience I had not too long ago …

    I got some really weird vibes when I commented on some Christian woman’s blog. I don’t remember what the topic was or how I got there, but I thought it was a helpful Christian tidbit, so I thought I’d offer a quick, “Hey, good stuff. Thanks for sharing” type of whammy to be an encouragement.

    In response in the comments, the author was like, “Uh … Who’s this guy?”

    Then like 2 friends were like, “Yeah, what’s up with that?”

    Then the author was like, “Apparently he’s some pastor who comments of the blogs of women he doesn’t know.” and then she gave me some “Uh, I can’t prevent you from commenting here, but please don’t ever do it again or I will delete it. This blog is just for me and my friends and family.”

    I noticed that my comment had been deleted.

    I was thinking, “Hey, I’m not a stalker up in there. You do know you’re posting this stuff so the whole world can see right? And you have comments open without any moderation whatsoever or directives along those lines? And what’s with the harsh treatment of a brother?” … but I just let it go, thinking I was the Bad Ag somehow.

  • 72. Jessica  |  August 14, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    I’ve enjoyed reading your blog, especially since the Michaels are with our church this weekend. What a coincidence to come across your blog today.

  • 73. minski39  |  August 28, 2008 at 6:08 pm

    Thank you. Thank you for addressing this issue that makes so many bloggers feel strange. Commenting is something I am imagining will evolve. As blogs are a relatively new phenomenon, we as writers and readers are still working through how things should work, and we are learning to deal with the “openness” of things. Thanks to your discussion, I’ll be posting something similar on my blog – in hopes that it will make them more willing to say “HI!” Thanks again!

  • 74. Rosanna Hulson  |  August 29, 2008 at 11:06 am

    I’m so sorry to be commenting here.

    I don’t *really* know you.

    I just surfed over here from your husband’s blog, which I found through MY husband’s blog, which I found when I met him back in 2004… so I’m totally legit. Through the internet, you know.

    I don’t read your blog very often (at least not *regularly*) so I’m not spying on you or anything.

    I’m normally a lurker, but I just had to say a little, tiny, insignificant something, then I’ll go back in my hidey-hole.

    Oh and you wouldn’t want to come visit my boring, colorless, sorry excuse of a blog, so I won’t add my URL. In fact, I’ll stay anon.


    There, I got that outta my system. Now I can comment freely on all your other posts! πŸ˜‰

    (oh no! Did I run spellcheck before I hit “submit”?? ack!)

  • 75. Joy klassen  |  August 30, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Hi there. I want to say thank you for sharing your journey with us… I got an email from my daugher in law the other day, with your blog link.
    Our hearts are broken in a million pieces, as our first born grandson JAY BENJAMIN KLASSEN was also born silently, a day before his due date, July 24th, 2008 …. He was perfect! There was never a sign of distress, right up till 5 minutes before he was born, when they last heard his heart beating. For some reason, it stopped, and he was born silently. Our journey has been one of such deep sorrow, that I never knew could exist. I realize that it is because we already had fallen in love with him over the 9 months Leah carried him…
    So, It is a blessing to read your blog, and to now share in your joy over your third child, Morrow.
    We know that we could not do this WITHOUT GOD…
    Thank you for sharing your family, your thoughts with us… we are blessed. The family of God is an amazing one…

    I would love to share my grandson with you…. our son and daughter in laws best friend is a photographer, and he came to the hospital and took pictures…. they are beautiful, but the song he put them to, is the cry of our heart and faith in the living God… feel free to share with us

    Joy Klassen
    Manitoba, Canada

  • 76. Joy klassen  |  August 30, 2008 at 9:27 am

    I meant to share this too…. it is my blog that I began on a whim last year, but then it became a place of comfort again… feel free to read.

  • 77. Rachel  |  August 31, 2008 at 8:35 am

    and I was just debating on whether or not to comment on your blog. πŸ™‚ I noted your meeting/engaged/married timeline is close to ours. We met in Sept ’04 and were dating by Feb ’05, engaged May the same year and married Oct the same year. yes, a delightful whirwind to be caught up in, and I have not regretted it for a moment.

  • 78. Idle Introvert  |  September 24, 2008 at 3:21 am

    I’m soo guilty of this, to the point where I asked a friend if it was ok that I was reading his blog. I guess I felt like I was learning deep and personal things about his life that he probably wouldn’t have shared with me in conversation. This is probably where the our (females) sentiments arise from…that feeling of intrusion. But all the same it’s unnecessary as you’ve helpfully pointed out! πŸ™‚

  • 79. Jena O'Harra  |  October 16, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Molly πŸ™‚ … Thanks for the “permission” to write/comment. I do have this stalker mentality your speaking of! – “Don’t want to intrude”…

    I want to thank you for sharing your life and your emotions. Regarding your precious baby Felicity and her first Birthday.. Aaron and I were so hopeful for you and Abraham.. so excited for you to have a little girl. We have continued throughout the this year to pray for you in your sorrow. Now we rejoice with you in your beautiful baby boy, Morrow. Your family is so beautiful.
    -Jena O’Harra

  • 80. gretchen  |  October 22, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    I recently found your blog and have enjoyed reading it. I laughed while my husband read this entry out loud to me because I wanted to comment, but was afraid. So thanks for taking down the barriers. I have a random question, you mentioned that you live in the city close to downtown. How do you get to know people in your neighborhood? We live in a mixed income area of our city and even though I’ve been here for years, I struggle with knowing how to do that. I used to work with an inner city ministry and met people through programs or outreaches and struggle with how to do that just as stay at home mom. Very random and you may wonder, “who is this crazy person?” but I thought you may have some good ideas. ha ha. thanks.

  • 81. Jessica  |  October 31, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Thanks SO much for posting this!!! – this is the way I feel about other people on my blog – I WISH someone would comment! But, when I’m on other people’s, I always hesitate… worried about “creeping” and whatnot… πŸ˜› Thanks – I’m really enjoying reading your blog!

  • 82. Sarah K  |  November 5, 2008 at 7:15 am

    Thanks Molly! I found your blog a couple of days ago (via Randy Alcorn- Justin Taylor- your husband’s blog) and really appreciate a lot of your posts from how you guys decided to name your kids to your series on “How to help your grieving friend”. I know I will be a faithful reader from now on!

    Sarah K, Raleigh NC

  • 83. ...tom...  |  November 9, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    hey there…

    This is by no means meant to be some heavy-handed bullying tactic to get you lurkers out there to comment. I just want you to know that you’re free to if you’d like to.

    …smalllol… Looks like that worked out pretty well, intended or not..!!

    You have probably found this blog through a couple different avenues, …

    You missed my favorite time-waster: the [Next Blog] link on blogger dot com. But as you are a ‘wordpresser’ that surely would not have come to mind.

    While I have never had a problem commenting anywhere on line, I do often mention at blogger dot com sites that I found them that way…

    Anyway . . .just wanted to say ‘hey’.


    P.S. I take it wordpress can automatically load the information above (name/e-mail/URL)..?? I like that..!! But where is the [Preview] button..?!?

  • 84. Ruth  |  November 10, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    Dear Molly,
    Thanks so much for the encouragement to comment. I came to your blog thru a link to your post “How to help your grieving friend.” I have also read the DG blog for some time and heard about Felicity when she was born. I thank you for sharing your thoughts, which are a testimony to Gods limitless grace. I can’t imagine experincing the grief of losing a child. Someone in our church lost their 6-week-old baby a week ago, and your posts have helped me. I have a 6-week-old baby myself and am reminded to rejoice in the long days and nights of caring for her (and my other 4 children.) Thanks for allowing me to introduce myself. I would not have commented without your encouragement. After reading all your thoughts, I feel that I know you, but you don’t know me!
    Ruth in MD

  • 85. jglewis  |  November 18, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    Well put! So many people react this way to my own blog. The strangest part for me is when people I know face-to-face in real life (e.g. my coworkers) happen upon my blog and then try to apologize for finding it when they want to talk about something I’ve written. I always have to assure them that I am not surprised they found it and that they’re welcome to read it and follow me on Twitter and friend me on Facebook, etc.

    The best way to find out how many readers you actually have is to post a really short entry with huge, happy news (e.g. getting married, having a baby, etc). I always get 10x the normal number of comments, and often from people I had no idea read my blog.

  • 86. Weekly Question: Seen Any Good Movies Lately? « Daily Specials  |  November 19, 2008 at 12:24 am

    […] Leave a comment (and don’t worry, I probably won’t think you’re a stalker) […]

  • 87. Jennifer (Conversion Diary)  |  December 3, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    This is such a sweet, welcoming post. How nice!

  • 88. Janet  |  December 8, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Hi Molly, this is a great post. I always hesitate to comment on new (to me) blogs and just lurk. I followed your link from Elizabeth Esther. She’s a hoot. I sincerely appreciate the Desing God ministries and blog. I’ve also enjoyed the articles your husband writes or links to. Anyway, just thought I’d say hello and God Bless.


  • 89. kim  |  December 11, 2008 at 7:49 am

    Hi Molly,

    I am commenting under this post because I have never commented on your blog before but read it regularly. I just wanted you to know how much your words have meant to me and your willingness to share this past year of your life with others you do not even know. God has been using your blog to sanctify me and change me and cause me to trust him more. I have never lost a child full term, b ut have lost 5 children in the earlier stages of pregnancy.

    I am writing to you now, because I just wanted you to know that I printed off a lot of what you wrote here the past year and am sending it to 3 different families in my life that just recently experienced stillbirth. They are not Christians, and I am praying your words will give them comfort and God will use this situation in their lives to save them and cause them to treasure Him above all things. And see their child again someday soon.

    I just wanted you to know that. I wish I could speak to you personally because if I did I would give you a big hug and you could see better how truly grateful I am to the Lord for your blog.

    Your sister in Christ,

  • 90. Nancy S  |  December 16, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Hi Molly,

    I do comment from time to time, both to you and to Abraham. My girls (teenagers) just love Orison. But yes, there is a feeling of invading sometimes, nevertheless! (a female social enmeshment thing–ever read Mary Stewart van Leeuwen’s Gender and Grace?)

    The really strange thing is that I dreamed about you last night–that we were at the same party and I was nervous but also excited to meet you. So consider yourself to have a friend–perhaps many friends–in Ontario!

  • 91. Victoria  |  January 7, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Molly –

    Glad you feel this way! I’ll be honest and say that all though I didn’t consider myself a “stalker” I have felt funny about commenting on the blogs of those I don’t “know”.

    Shy no more!


  • 92. Shadra  |  January 7, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    Hello Molly,

    For some of us who do not blog-a-lot, or actually, not at all, it can feel like you are a “stranger” in a “strange land”. Therefore it almost seems fitting to either stay silent and just read-along or begin a comment with “I don’t know you”, or “the blog-o-sphere is new to me so…” Thank you for reminding me, us, that the author is well aware that total strangers (like me!) are reading your blog and that it is okay! I do enjoy reading your blog, Abraham’s blog and a few others. You both are so encourging! Sometimes I feel like you blog for the “non-bloggers”. :0) May God bring constant encouragement to you, Abraham and your family! We are seeking to “see and savor” Jesus Christ more today than yesterday right along with you. As Victoria stated above, I will try to be “shy no more!” Thanks for the welcome in….
    Much love in Jesus,
    Shadra Magee
    Spokane, WA

  • 93. Amy  |  January 8, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    i just feel guilty that i don’t read your blog more πŸ™‚
    so…when are you coming back to visit? πŸ™‚

  • 94. Cathy West  |  January 12, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    Hi, Molly,
    I was given your website a few weeks ago after friends of ours delivered their little girl stillborn on December 23rd. I have just shared your site with her, so I am sure in time, she will find comfort in your words and what you have shared about Felicity.
    My husband and I were just at the last Desiring God conference, it’s funny how God brings pieces of our lives together – I did not know that you were John’s daughter-in-law until I read your blog in depth. I pray that my friend will find the same comfort God seems to have given you. I know it will take time. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

  • 95. Lori  |  January 15, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    I love this post. I always feel “stalkerish” about commenting on anyone’s blog whom I don’t know personally. Until today, of course…

  • 96. Celess  |  January 23, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Hi Molly,

    I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time, but have felt no real need to comment until now. I just found out that I am expecting a child (unplanned, but a beautiful gift from our Lord). I just wanted to share with you that all your posts about your precious little girl, Felicity, have been an encouragement to me. To see how your family trusted God while in the valley, leaned on His Grace, and remembered His goodness has been a blessing.

    In Christ,

  • 97. angie  |  February 2, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Hi Molly! Thanks for your explanation. I totally feel that way sometimes and wonder if the blog owner feels weirded out by hearing from someone they don’t know. But when I think about it, I would think it’d be flattering that people who don’t even know me would care to read what I write about. So, thanks for the invitation to comment. Does that also apply when you comment on a blog whose owner is a guy? B/C I don’t want to give the impression that I’m coming on to someone by commenting on their blog if they don’t know me. When appropriate, I try to mention my husband so it’s clear that I’m not looking for love or that I’m not a homewrecker. πŸ™‚ I actually just left a message on your husband’s blog and asked myself that very question.

    I remember reading about your terrible loss on the Desiring God website and my heart went out to you. I had just suffered two miscarriages over the previous year, and know a little bit about how painful that kind of loss can be. I’m now 8 months pregnant and expecting our first baby (to make it outside the womb) in March. When I read your book suggestions for dealing with grief, I wanted to mention one that really ministered to me at the time: “Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven about the Death of a Child.” I just thought I’d mention it.

    Well, Molly, blessings to you! Thanks willing to share your life with so many through this blog. Have a great week!

  • 98. Piper  |  March 1, 2009 at 12:12 am

    Hello, my name is Piper

    I’m not a stalker, but I intend to be.
    This is my first time here. Good stuff!

  • 99. ES  |  March 14, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    Comment # 99 –
    I happened on your blog because of wordpress highlighting your post on grief.

    I am aquainted with grief – I lost a baby nearly 14 years ago. My niece has lost more than 8. I will recommend your blog to her when the time is right.
    You are a tremendous blessing to people on the same journey.


  • 100. bevs97  |  May 4, 2009 at 11:33 am

    that is so weird as I only started surfing about 5 minutes ago and I genuinely don’t know how I got to this blog. I had to quickly hit back and see that i had been reading Like Merchant Ships and she had referenced on one of your posts, I often find myself on blogs with no idea how I got there, and I’m not always sure if i ought to comment or if it will be seen as an intrusion so this is a great post.

  • 101. Tara Livesay  |  May 10, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Just read your mothers day post — from today. Beautiful. I forwarded it to my sister who placed a baby for adoption (a sacrifce by choice) 16 years ago. So sorry for your loss of your daughter. Wishing you much love from your husband and sons today. Blessings,


  • 102. Vikas Gupta  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    This is so nicely written! You can make any stranger comfortable!

  • 103. Lydia Cate  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:15 am

    Completely stumbled upon your blog! Love it! I’m guilty of being a lurker, sorry. But no more! I came out of lurkdom at a little blog called Home Sancuary and I’ve slowly begun to feel comfortable about commenting on stranger’s blogs. Like you I enjoy meeting new people. This forum allows for me to meet other like minded women as I don’t get out much…as a homeeducating mom of 5.
    I’m also a non blogging girl. I often wish I did or could, but time doesn’t allow for that now. I do facebook though which allows me to quickly communicate with the outside world.
    Thanks for the encouragement!

  • 104. osarah  |  May 11, 2009 at 7:01 am

    I am definitely guilty of feeling like a) I can’t comment on someone’s blog that I don’t know or b) I need to apologize the first time I comment (and even then, I think maybe I shouldn’t comment again).

    Thanks for this great post. I’m new to your blog and look forward to seeing what else you have to say!


  • 105. mbarley  |  May 11, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    caught me redhanded as i was reading your mother’s day post. thank you for sharing your feelings with the blogging world. i’m working on being more open on my own blog, and your mother’s day post continues to encourage me to share with the world what Christ continues to do in my life. thanks for that. praying for you today specifically, on the day after mother’s day.

  • 106. Liz  |  May 12, 2009 at 8:24 am

    Hi, Molly. I’m one of your readers who stumbled onto this through bloghopping. Been a lurker for around 8 months now. πŸ™‚ Many times I have been blessed by your posts on grief. Although I have never been intimately acquainted with death, your blogging about Felicity, being a mother and following Christ has helped me to deal with my own “grief” at God taking away something that He gave. Thank you for sharing your experiences. God bless you.

  • 107. Amber  |  July 3, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I love this post! Thank you so much for clarifying this for me in reading your blog, as well as the blogs of others. I often feel like a “stalker” as many of the blogs I read aren’t people I actually “know”….good to know I’m not πŸ™‚ You are right, it is what public blogs are for!

  • 108. Crystal Malek  |  July 9, 2009 at 8:56 am

    Haha! I think I almost apologized in a comment on your birthday post! Thanks for the clarification. Will be commenting more for sure…

  • […] if you’re new to this blog, I’d love for you to subscribe. And I always welcome comments from new readers. Thanks for […]

  • 110. nobody416  |  July 27, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Haha! Sounds like me! I enjoy meeting new people and love it when others comment on my blog. πŸ˜€ It is hard to find a healthy balance on the internet about giving too much information and being paralyzed by fear that someone will stalk you, especially in my case as a teen girl, but so far everyone I’ve met through blogging have been amazing people that are NOT stalkers. πŸ™‚

  • 111. lindsey  |  September 4, 2009 at 12:32 am

    i wasn’t going to comment until i saw this post πŸ™‚ i have never experienced the loss of a child, but found your blog after it was quoted by a friend of mine who has. i have a healthy 9 month old daughter who i will be hugging and kissing extra tightly after reading several of your posts about your lovely daughter felicity.

    some of your words are not strangers to me. my mom, my best friend and mentor, left for heaven very unexpectedly from cancer two months before my husband and i found out i was pregnant. i lost a mother and became a mother within the same year. thank you so much for your candor and for baring your sweet and beautiful pain here for other to see. thank you for pointing us all back to the Father, the only source of comfort there is. He shapes our story through our experiences, and our stories can help others when we are brave enough to share them. thank you for being brave enough to share πŸ™‚

  • 112. Zoe Phillips  |  September 6, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    I’m totally not a stalker, I laugh when I read this but I am so comforted by these posts. I have been reading them over the past two days and they have open my eyes and heart to what a mess my emotions are. I have been through 2 misscarriages in one year and I feel way out of it. I feel like no one understands. NO ONE, not even my husband. And of course he does. And when I read your post about when Christians say God is good in the midst of such pain and heartbreak and you are thinking, If this is good…. I am so glad I stumble onto your posts on this subject. And I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my seemly empty heartbroken lonely heart these days. God is faithful and thats all I hold onto for dear life these days. Thank you Zoe Phillips

  • 113. Seda  |  September 30, 2009 at 12:36 am

    Just want to thank you for your genuine words. I drop by from time to time, and always encouraged.

  • 114. A non-post: comments | Words of Eternal Life  |  December 3, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    […] Piper has some useful comments to make about comments on her blog at The […]

  • […] this post recently that I found interesting about how reading people’s blogs is not stalking. Click here to read more if you’re interested. The […]

  • 116. Who Are You? « Proverbs 30:8  |  January 12, 2010 at 6:50 am

    […] our blog. I know there are people from 35+ states and several countries who have visited. Heidi and Molly both gave me the idea to let you have a chance to identify […]

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  • 118. Judy  |  December 30, 2014 at 4:32 am

    I think what you said made a lot of sense. But, what about this?
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