How to Help Your Grieving Friend

March 25, 2008 at 8:46 am 71 comments

Not surprisingly, I’ve had lots of conversations with other families who have grieved a tragedy like ours and reflected on my own experience in the past few months.

For those of you just arriving on the scene, we were expecting our second child, a daughter, to arrive somewhere around September 25, 2007. We went into the hospital on Saturday morning, September 22nd, because I couldn’t shake the feeling that I hadn’t been feeling the baby move as much as I would have expected. We arrived in the triage, were hooked up to monitors and ultrasounds and told that our baby was no longer living. We delivered her that day. We named her Felicity Margaret.

It’s been six months since she left us, and I’ve had good and bad experiences since. I thought I would try to relay some of the helpful things you can do to understand and help your friends who are grieving. Of course this is all from my own experience, and I certainly am not a grief expert in any authoritative way, I just know what I’ve gone through.

So if you think this would be helpful to you now or in the future, I hope you’ll read along, think, comment, pray, and act on behalf of your friends or family members who are grieving. You can be a profound blessing to people you may not feel like you understand.

Posts in this series:

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Entry filed under: Grief.

You’re not a stalker Just Know That She’s Exhausted

71 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Susan  |  March 25, 2008 at 9:45 am

    Hmm… this isn’t really the kind of post for the kind of comment I am leaving, but I just wanted to tell you the cookies are on their way! I sent them via USPS priority mail and you should have them by the end of the week. 🙂

    Reply
  • 2. puremotif  |  March 25, 2008 at 10:13 am

    I would love to hear about this.

    Reply
  • 3. Susan  |  March 25, 2008 at 10:43 am

    I would also, and of course I didn’t say that in my first comment because i was so excited about the cookies.

    Reply
  • 4. Marsel  |  March 25, 2008 at 11:52 am

    I first started to follow your blog when we heard (through DG) about your loss of Felicity. Although we had never met you, as fellow believers and therefore part of the same family (of God) we began then to pray for you and we still do.

    Although under different circumstances, my husband and I have experienced the loss of a child(ren), and it has been a blessing for me to “watch” another believer who is also dealing with grief and its related struggles. Your post today was especially apropos as I am struggling with a fresh wave of sorrow…thank you so very much for being candid about yours.

    Reply
  • 5. Andie  |  March 25, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    Just this morning, I actually was going to ask if you’d write on this subject. thanks.

    Reply
  • 6. Lee Ann  |  March 25, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Hey Molly,

    I’ve had several conversations w/friends asking me how to respond to people that are grieving. I’m with you that I can only share from my experience, but I know there are definite things that I would do and not do, now that we have walked through this past year. I have a running list in a notebook of mine, in case I forget some of the things. Anyway, I look forward to hearing your post.

    I don’t leave many comments, but I do check your blog to see how y’all are doing. We often pray for the three of you. I know we live in a fallen world, and that only in glory will we be free from suffering. But after watching two more friends lose babies this past week (16 & 24 weeks), I wish that it were not a reality. I wish that babies didn’t die, and parents didn’t lose their babies. It may sound simplistic. But, I think it just comes from me wishing my Nathaniel was still me, and wanting the same for you, and my other friends.

    Anyway, we love you guys.
    L

    Reply
  • 7. Carrie  |  March 25, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    Thank you so much for writing about this. I would especially love to hear how other moms who have been blessed with many children (often unplanned!) can minister to women who struggle with infertility, or have experienced miscarriage or the death of a child. So often, when I have been pregnant and have heard of other women in my church who have miscarried or otherwise lost children, I wonder if I should just avoid… the sight of a 9-months-along pregnant woman is probably the last thing they want to see. I hope that makes sense!

    Reply
  • 8. Elaine Williams  |  March 25, 2008 at 2:44 pm

    I am sorry for your loss. elaine

    Reply
  • 9. Shannon Archer  |  March 25, 2008 at 2:59 pm

    If you plan to include a list of “things not to do” could you please refrain from using our real names;-) I look forward to learning from you in this area and hope that I never need to use your advice on this topic again.

    Reply
  • 10. Aimee  |  March 25, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    Hello Molly,
    My husband found your blog, he is a pastor and John Piper is his hero. We have had your family in our prayers for quite some time now. On Sept. 21, 2007, my little girl was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 at only 15 weeks gestation. We were completley devasted when they told us we would only have a few minutes with her. Of course, they offered termination, but we denied that, we knew she was a gift from our great God and He would take her when He was ready. I carried her for 18 more weeks and she was born on Jan 22, 2008 and lived for 9 minutes. Here is our story, if you would like to read it: http://www.weathersfamily2007.blogspot.com
    It has only been 9 weeks since she went home to be with Jesus and although I am so happy that she is with Him, my arms ache to hold her just one more time.
    I will continue to keep you and your family in our prayers.
    In Christ, Aimee

    Reply
  • 11. shawnda  |  March 25, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    I am SO thankful you are going to do this, friend. Thanks for using your very difficult experience to bless us.

    Reply
  • 12. Hannah  |  March 25, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    I just came across your blog today Although I haven’t had time to read too many of your previous posts, your brief description of your daughter’s stillbirth sounds so similar to my experience. I delivered my daughter Tabitha just less than seven weeks ago. So you can be sure that I will be reading anything you write on this subject!
    Thank you so much (in advance) for sharing…

    Reply
  • 13. Bethany  |  March 25, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    Thank you for desiring to write about this. I lost my sweet baby boy Elijah at birth four weeks ago. HIS grace is amazing!

    Reply
  • 14. Colette Frazier  |  March 26, 2008 at 4:31 am

    Molly, I was wondering about the Cordell’s. I just visited their TCT website last week wondering if they had a blog link or pictures of a new baby:) i’m so glad to know they are close to their hearts’ desires with this little girl. Please tell her I said hi and miss her. And tell her she needs to have a blog:)

    It’s not lonely here–really b/c 3 little boys keep me so busy. The first 5 months were rough though b/c it was been really difficult to make friends and get to know people here–it’s the culture and b/c we foreigners i think. but we finally made some connections and feel much more rooted. Thank the Lord! I was missing so many people back in the states but once we made some friends it helped to relieve that.

    Reply
  • 15. Mrs. MK  |  March 26, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    Oh, Molly, what a lovely thought to share! I am still in the thick of the grieving, and am at loss as to what to tell my friends when they offer to help.

    You and your family have been in my prayers the last six months, and now we share this road……..

    Reply
  • 16. Karen  |  March 26, 2008 at 7:32 pm

    First of all I am so sorry that your family went through such a real loss. Being a nurse working high risk obstetrics and nursery I have seen many (too many) go through the process that you are describing. How loving and awesome that you are allowing God to use you as a fount of grace to those who don’t know how to minister to people with such a grief. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to seeing your perspective in this series.

    Reply
  • 17. Mrs. Damian Garcia  |  March 31, 2008 at 11:12 am

    I am visiting from Amy’s Humble Musings.

    I just want to say that I appreciate you doing this. Many years ago I lost a baby girl that came too early. I was 24 weeks along when she was born. So many people simply acted like nothing happened. I know I was young, still in high school even but the pain was horrible. I have a tenancy to push pain aside and do what needs to be done, even to this day. But for the life of me I wish those people that loved me would have asked me how I was doing, what can I do to help, do you want to talk about it?. Losing a child is the worse thing I think a parent will go through. We need to support one another when this happens. It is too hard to go through alone.

    Thank you for writing about this. Hopefully many fathers and mothers will be blessed by it.

    Mrs. Damian Garcia

    Reply
  • 18. Amanda Axelby  |  March 31, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I came here via Amy’s Humble Musings. I know some of what you are experiencing as we lost our little girl through stillbirth too. I think sharing what helps and doesn’t help during your grieving time is always helpful for other people. Unless they have been through a similar experience it is just too hard for them to understand. And often, without meaning to, people say things that add to the pain. i guess we have all been there at some stage of our lives. Foot in mouth disease. That is why I wrote a book about our daughter’s loss. If I could have your address I will post you a copy, if you like.
    Blessings to your family.
    Amanda
    An Australian sister in Christ

    Reply
  • 19. Mrs. Damian Garcia  |  March 31, 2008 at 5:25 pm

    Amanda you are very right. After my loss a teacher told me that she didn’t even know I was pregnant and then said that at least I was young and could have more. The loss of my child at 24 weeks was the beginning of losing 5 children in a row. I thought of her comments every time we lost a baby. My only comfort was that I knew she meant it as good and not just saying it.

    Reply
  • 20. Jennifer  |  April 1, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    I found you through Amy’s Humble musings. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    It was a blessing find your posts today. Two months ago I lost my third baby in about a year and a half. Though it was at about 12 weeks, we’d been to the doctor so many times and been assured everything looked great. You just never know what will happen.

    Anyway, I’d been having one of those anxious and alone kind of days where I just feel like I’m in another world from everyone around me. Your suggestions are great. I know it’s hard for people to know what to do with folks like us, in unbelievably sad situations. Knowing other people are surviving too, however, is at least some comfort.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

    Reply
  • 21. Diana  |  April 1, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    Thank you for sharing. God has led me to your site. Your story is so similar to mine. I had a stillbirth, a little girl named Elizabeth. I was suppose to have her on Oct. 14, 2004 but went in on Oct. 12th as you did to find out she had gone to be with the Lord. I had two children who were 13yrs. and 10yrs. They were so excited to have a little sister coming. My 13yr. old prayed the entire night for God to perform a miracle and prayed that maybe the doctor and nurses were wrong. I remember praying that I would not hear another baby cry. That night, God listened and I never heard another baby cry. I remember them asking us if we wanted an autopsy but we declined. My doctor advised us not to and so some days I still wonder what happened. The doctor believes it was a cord accident.

    I am still grieving but it does get better. You have to turn to the Lord to help you get through this kind of pain. The following year, I delivered a healthy little girl named Lindsey on Oct. 20, 2005. That was a difficult pregnancy.

    Thank you again for sharing.
    God Bless You and Your Family.

    Reply
  • 22. … «  |  April 3, 2008 at 1:05 am

    […] the loss of a child, I must direct you to Molly’s blog. She has started a series called, “How to Help Your Grieving Friend” and it’s […]

    Reply
  • 23. Christa Reichert  |  April 3, 2008 at 10:57 am

    Oh Molly, thank you so much for writing about this. Ever since Barb Christenson spoke at MOMS in 2006, this has been stirring in my heart and I desperately want to be a caring, sensitive friend to my friends that are missing their children and yet I am poorly equipped!

    Reply
  • 24. Kari  |  April 3, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    Thank you for writing this series. I’ve never lost a child (I’m still single) but just this week I’ve begun the process of going through a different kind of grief. I’ve never felt so loved and supported by the Body of Christ yet everything within me aches and the tears are flowing freely.

    Thank you for opening up your heart on this subject, and please know that you’re blessing people in countless ways.

    Reply
  • 25. mimi2six  |  April 6, 2008 at 6:04 am

    I found you from Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer. I have never experienced what you have, and I cannot possibly know the pain you bear. But I thank you for being brave and transparent enough to write about your experiences. You have, no doubt, ministered to so many families who have experienced the loss of a child……and you have ministered to the rest of us in giving us solid advice on responding well to those who have experienced such tragedy. I’m reminded of the verse that tells us that God comforts us so we can, in turn, comfort others who are hurting. You are obeying this tender command. I know God will bless your heart greatly in this ministry.

    Reply
  • 26. Melanie  |  April 6, 2008 at 8:45 am

    A friend of mine went through this exact same thing with her son. I am going to send her a link to your blog. Thank you for talking about it. We don’t talk about this enough.

    Reply
  • 27. Holly  |  April 6, 2008 at 5:32 pm

    I don’t know if you have heard of the Christian group “Selah”, but the lead singer’s name is Todd Smith. He and his wife, Angie, are having a baby girl tomorrow named Audrey Caroline and she is not expected to live. Although I don’t kinow them personally I love the music of Selah and came across their blog about their experience, http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com. I know they would covet your prayers tomorrow afternoon. I have been praying for them all week. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing the Lord to use your hurt for His Glory. May God Bless you richly.

    Reply
  • 28. Dolly Acosta  |  April 6, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    Hi- it has been just over a year ago that we delivered our stillborn daughter. I understand . Read my post here:
    http://justincase-doll.blogspot.com/2008/01/in-honor-of-chelsea.html

    Reply
  • 29. expectingamiracle  |  April 6, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I think all your posts about grief are wonderful and will help a lot of people out there. Although I know it’s not the same kind of grief, I miscarried my baby and I can identify with much of what you wrote.

    Reply
  • 30. Tiffany  |  April 7, 2008 at 9:44 am

    I found your blog through Rocks in my Dryer. We lost our daugter on March 11, 2007. She lived 16 1/2 hours. It came as a shock to us as well. I have struggled through so many things and have my good days and bad days. It is encouraging to hear other people’s stories and to know that your story may help others, although nothing “makes it better.” There is a long road ahead of all of us who have suffered losses and it is nice to know that we can go through it together. God bless.

    Reply
  • 31. Amanda  |  April 7, 2008 at 10:02 am

    I’m so sorry about your Felicity, and am looking forward to reading through your blog. We lost our micropreemie nearly a year ago, so I understand some of that grief. May God’s peace consume you.

    Reply
  • 32. Helping someone grieving « Strengthened by Grace  |  April 12, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    […] Molly Piper (one of John’s daughters-in law) has some helpful advice on how to help a grieving friend. She knows well from experiencing as her and her husband have gone through the valley of loss […]

    Reply
  • 33. Quick Takes - 4/12/2008 at Ray Fowler .org  |  April 13, 2008 at 6:46 am

    […] Piper offers her thoughts on How to Help Your Grieving Friend. “Not surprisingly, I’ve had lots of conversations with other families who have grieved a […]

    Reply
  • 34. Gina Ashley  |  April 15, 2008 at 4:54 am

    Thank you…I linked this to some friends because after going through early labor 4 times (all resulting in loosing the babies) and having a miscarriage once I found many of the things you wrote to be helpful for people to understand.

    Reply
  • 35. Beautiful boy « Nurse Mummy’s Weblog  |  April 23, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    […] heart by having me write this article about helping your grieving friend and reading this series by Molly Piper regarding her loss of a child. Maybe they can help you […]

    Reply
  • 36. jessica  |  April 30, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    thank you for sharing your thoughts!! i have a co-worker (and friend) who recently lost her baby. i hope that i will be able to be a better friend to her having read your blog.

    Reply
  • 37. Always On My Mind « The Pipers  |  May 5, 2008 at 9:42 am

    […] (Read other posts in this series.) […]

    Reply
  • 38. Ashleigh  |  May 14, 2008 at 4:28 am

    Thank you. Its been 2 months since I lost Zakary. I miss him terribly but your blog helps me too.

    Reply
  • 39. Cleaning Her House Is Next to Godliness « The Pipers  |  May 19, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    […] 19, 2008 How to Help Your Grieving Friend, Part […]

    Reply
  • 40. Arte y Pico Award | Dandelions and Daydreams  |  June 3, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    […] at The Pipers. Molly is an artist with words.  If you have time, please check out her series on How to help a grieving friend written out of her experience of losing a baby 3 days before the due […]

    Reply
  • 41. Links for the road at Between the Trees  |  June 6, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    […] this week and I love it. And while you’re there, read his wife Molly’s series on how to help a grieving friend. Abraham and Molly lost a daughter earlier this year when Felicity Margaret Piper was still-born. […]

    Reply
  • 42. Adrienne  |  June 10, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    Awesome series, dear sister in Christ! Our first child is with the Lord. She passed away in October 2005 after an 8 month fight with heart defects. I have looked high and low for a balanced discussion of how to help someone grieve. This is a blessing to find!

    Hang in there, dear. The first year is the hardest! Thank you for taking time out of your busy life to share with us what you have learned through this trial.

    Reply
  • 43. Ministering to a Grieving Friend « A Pilgrim’s Path  |  June 14, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    […] more than ten articles offering guidance on how a friend can help a loved one that is grieving https://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/03/25/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/. Be sure to read through all the posts in the series as we all try to understand how we might […]

    Reply
  • 44. Sue  |  July 14, 2008 at 9:49 am

    Molly, this is a wonderful blog. You will be blessed by doing this. There is a song by Casting Crowns called “Praise You In This Storm”, that you can find on GodTube.com. When I lost my granddaughter Haylee, two years ago, that song was played regularly on the radio, and it had such healing power for me. Everytime I hear it, even to this day, I get lost with emotion in the words, and the tears flow. I praise God from the bottom of my heart, even though I don’t understand, I know through His Word, that she is with Him, and it all works together for His purpose, and it is good! I HAVE to believe that. It always leaves me with feelings of grace, and comfort. My daughter-in-law went through a terrible depression which re-emerged at the one year anniversary of Haylee’s death. I didn’t know how to help. She wouldn’t talk to anyone. God laid on my heart (with her blessing), to start an outreach program called “Haylee’s Gift”. I wrote a letter of encouragement and empathy, sharing God’s love and the story of our loss, to send to other families going through a loss of their own. Letting them know that their pain is felt, and they are not alone. I also made a children’s book (scrapbooking can be very therapeutic :), based on a conversation I had with my five year old granddaughter on the day of her sister’s death. It was designed to help young children who have lost a sibling. She asked the question, “Why would God put a baby in Mommy’s belly, if He’s not going to let us keep it?” That’s pretty deep for a five year old! Praise God, it turned into a beautiful conversation, that was meant to be shared with other children. Something that their little minds could process and find comfort in. I let her draw pictures to go in the book and she added her own words of encouragement, in her own handwriting, at the end. I have sent it to other families in our area. Somehow it has given purpose, and promoted healing for our whole family. I NEVER would have even thought of taking this on, had it not been for Haylee. There is no better way to heal, and nothing more comforting through loss, than to give back to others suffering, as you do. Molly, I’m sure you’re finding that to be true 🙂 Thank you for pouring out your soul , to help all of these hurting families. I would encourage all who read this, to find a way to honor your child and leave a legacy of purpose, by helping others. God gives us an invitation, through our circumstances, to use them for His will. By blessing others, the fruits of the spirit will be blessed on you 🙂 In sharing your pain, the bitter-ness can become bitter-sweet, and then the healing begins.

    Reply
  • 45. How to help your grieving friend « Beautiful Work  |  July 15, 2008 at 11:26 am

    […] 2008 Filed under: Extending Kindness — artsieandie @ 5:26 pm Molly Piper has written an excellent series on helping friends who are grieving. She delivered a full-term, stillborn baby girl last September. […]

    Reply
  • 46. mandythompson  |  July 17, 2008 at 9:15 am

    thank you for sharing these… they make me feel more normal in my own grief.

    Reply
  • 47. Jana Kelley  |  July 17, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    Thank you for teaching us through your pain.

    Reply
  • 48. fern  |  July 18, 2008 at 7:54 am

    Thank you so much for sharing and helping those who want to care for their friends.

    After my loss, a person I worked with wrote me a note that said “I do not know how you feel, but it must be awful. I am so sorry.” It was so good to hear from someone who knew they did not know how I felt.

    A friend of mine had a daughter who died almost 9 years ago, at the age of 14. Every once in a while, Rachel pops into my head or I have a dream with her in it. I always call her mother when this happens, to let her know I remember Rachel and I think of her. Someone once told me that I shouldn’t call–it would just remind the parents of their loss. As if they would forget.

    Because of this blog, people you have never met, will remember Felicity. Amazing how a child who never had a chance to walk on this planet, can affect humankind.

    Reply
  • 49. Glenda  |  July 21, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    Molly,

    Thank you for sharing the truth of grief after the loss of a baby.

    My first child, a son, was due September 21, 2007. However, at only 21 weeks, on May 14, 2007 (one day after Mother’s Day), David Joseph was born and lived for only 2 hours and 17 minutes. I delivered due to Incompetant Cervix.

    So many people don’t understand and many of us don’t have the energy to tell them, even if it would help us grieve.

    I want to encourage you, that as time continues and with your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, the days do get easier. I don’t wish David to be here with me for him (because he is with Jesus), but for my heart. I hurt for not being be able to hold him again, see his face, touch him and watch him grow.

    Being 30 when we had David Joseph, we wanted to begin “trying” for a living child as soon as possible after his going to Heaven. It has now been a year of “trying” and God has not had another pregnancy in His plan. This has been a trial of more questioning and more anger and more hurt.

    I have made it 14 months and never know what day I may get hit with all the emotions of the grief again. His birthday we had a special dinner and cake and took flowers to the cemetary. I had also been doing a scrapbook that I finished that day.

    I have thought ahead to September 21, when he would be 1 year old by his original due date, and wonder how I will handle it. My Consoling Parents support group for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss has their Fourth Annual Walk to Remember with a memorial service and balloon release. I am helping this year and hope it will be a peaceful day and a time to release some more tears!

    Sorry this has gotten so long. God Bless You for telling about grief and in your healing journey!

    Reply
  • 50. Julie  |  July 25, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    Thank you for this. I lost my daughter at birth four years ago. God has been faithful and my season of grief was bearable but I wish I had this to give my friends, who had to walk with me through the grief. I lost several of my dear friends during my grief and it is still very painful to think about that part.

    Reply
  • 51. Courtney Howard  |  August 4, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Thanks for writing this; I lost my beloved daughter, Elle, almost 4 years ago, and I wish my friends/family/acquaintances had had this to read. It’s very insightful and helpful. Would you mind if I link to it on my blog? I want everyone I know to read it so they are more sensitive and equipped for the future. Thank you!

    Reply
  • 52. My Father’s Gift For Me | Notes From My Heart  |  August 23, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    […] As I read, I noticed that Abraham and Molly made a conscious effort to use this dark experience to bless others. Molly even wrote a tender series of posts on how to help your grieving friend. […]

    Reply
  • 53. The Ladybug’s Soapbox » How to help your grieving friend  |  September 9, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    […] Piper, yes as in John Piper’s daughter-in-law, wrote this wonderful blog series on how to help your grieving friend. It has lots of practical advice on how to come alongside a friend who’s had to bury their […]

    Reply
  • 54. katherine from senor elefante  |  September 25, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    i’ve been following your blog for awhile, but found a link to this post from rocks in my dryer.

    thank you for writing this series. on monday, felicitiy’s birthday, our dear friends lost their 8-month-old daughter tragically. hearing from your experience i know will help us to walk with them — bringing beauty to your heartache. thank you for your honesty.

    Reply
  • 55. Christy  |  September 26, 2008 at 8:55 am

    I just found this series yesterday, and it was such a blessing to read. I lost a baby at 9 weeks in July, and another one previously at 23 weeks in 2002. I really identified with all of these posts. Thanks! I’m adding your series to my blog post today, as one of the best blog finds of my week. Blessings and congratulations on your new baby boy!

    Reply
  • 56. penny  |  October 1, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    Thanks for your words.
    We just lost our sweet baby girl on Sunday due to still birth. A friend sent me your blog. Your words are comforting.
    Thank you

    Reply
  • […] How to help your grieving friend […]

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  • 58. Jenn  |  November 19, 2008 at 8:30 am

    Thanks for sharing your your private grief so publicly. After losing a parent and walking through other losses with friends, I realize people are often at a loss as to know how to help their friends. You do a great job at addressing this need. Have you considered writing a book (or booklet) on this topic?

    Reply
  • 59. Gretchen L. Allen  |  November 20, 2008 at 6:36 pm

    My daughter just shared the link to your website today on her blog. On July 6, 2007 she and her husband lost their beloved daughter to leukemia, she was 2 1/2. They just lost a litte boy this past tuesday, he was four weeks old. They were adopting and had him since birth…however, the birth mother changed her mind. Once again they are devasted, as are we. Those who have not been through suffering don’t know what to say, and all to often offer the “Hallmark” sayings. You shared in a precise, knowledgeable and helpful way for folks to help those who are grieving over losing a child. thank you.

    Reply
  • 60. larissa whiteley  |  November 23, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    molly,
    i was brought to your blog in the same way as gretchen, who commented also. two years ago my boyfriend was in a car accident and now has a tbi. although i have not experienced physical loss of ian, we have lost much (temporary or permanent?) and the grief is huge. your posts are so poignant and filled with grace. you have said what i’ve been trying to say to my friends for two years:) keep the posts comin:)
    larissa

    Reply
  • 61. Heather MacDonald  |  January 6, 2009 at 12:15 am

    A little over a year ago, I was searching for this very series when a good friend’s mom had died. Thanks so much for posting it, and sharing your story.

    Reply
  • 62. jess  |  January 23, 2009 at 9:07 am

    Molly,
    Thank you so much for writing this series of posts. My best friend just went through a miscarriage, and I have been asking God to really give me insight and wisdom into how to support her. Your posts are a special encouragement and gift of wisdom. Thank you for sharing through your pain and loss, and allowing God to use you. Thank you!

    Reply
  • 63. Brin  |  January 26, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    Strange how I found you through random clicking, but so needed this (these) posts! Over the weekend, I wrote on my blog asking, “How do we help comfort those who’ve lost someone?”. I asked because I had THREE friends lose parents last week. Tough stuff.

    So, guess I’m trying to say, thanks. I appreciate you taking the time to write these and being candid while you did. They were an answer to a question I needed answered. And soon!

    Since I’m a first time reader, I’ll introduce myself. Hi. I’m Brin. 🙂

    Reply
  • 64. Wie man trauernden Freunden helfen kann « Hagebuttensenf  |  January 28, 2009 at 8:22 am

    […] 28 Januar 2009 · Keine Kommentare Hier schreibt Molly Piper, Autorin von “The Pipers” eine Serie, wie man trauernden Freunden helfen kann. Molly Piper hat im September 2007 das für Eltern Schlimmste überhaupt erfahren. Sie hat ihr Kind verloren. Es starb, kurz bevor es zur Welt kam. Auch darüber schreibt sie in ihrem Blog “The Pipers”. Wenn wir von solchen Ereignissen in unserer Umgebung erfahren, fühlen wir uns oft hilflos. Völlig hilflos. Wenige Menschen haben wirklich gelernt, wie wir am besten damit umgehen, wie wir das Thema zur Sprache bringen können, wie wir auch einfach nur fragen können.  Molly erzählt, berührt und bewegt. Niemals belehrt sie. Und doch gibt es hier viel zu lernen. Auch in einer Reihe, die helfen kann zu verstehen, was in trauernden Menschen passiert und wie wir damit umgehen können. Die Reihe heißt “How to help a grieving friend”. Thank you for sharing this, Molly. […]

    Reply
  • 65. Taylor  |  February 27, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this. A good friend of mine lost her baby in October and recently wrote a post on her blog that included mentioning this entry on your blog.

    Having a friend facing this kind of life-altering grief is completely new territory. I was a little blindsided by how hard the hurt actually hit me, how much I questioned God for and grieved the loss of a baby that wasn’t mine and I never got to meet. I was sad for my sweet friends, aching that we went to a memorial service to see them exhausted by grief instead of visiting their house with a new baby balloon in the yard and see them exhausted by sleepless, joyful nights of caring for a newborn. I went to a store twice to try to buy a sympathy card and left both times in tears after seeing the new baby cards. How on earth can you ever be anything for a friend when the hurt you feel is only a drop next to the fathoms of pain she feels?

    I wish I had this practical, tangible advice sooner, and I’m so grateful to that you wrote so beautifully and candidly. I will be passing along your post to others!

    In Christ,
    Taylor Smith

    Reply
  • 66. Sharon K. Herbert ~ Jiretz  |  June 17, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    How amazingly thoughtful of you to share such caring information. Thank you so much for sharing. You are a remarkable woman of God and I pray that the Lord blesses you greatly for your selflessness. God has & will continue to use this to touch so many lives out there– Thank You (:

    In His love,

    Sharon K. Herbert ~ Jiretz (sounds like Jarritz)

    Reply
  • 68. More Piper Love « Proverbs 30:8  |  January 12, 2010 at 7:42 am

    […] also wrote a series of posts on How to Help Your Grieving Friend. I know I have found myself without words so many times when friends are dealing with difficult […]

    Reply
  • 69. sdunahoe  |  July 24, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    This article has been very helpful for me. I always want to do something for my friends, but have felt paralized by the fear of making their pain worse. I feel like I now have some tools to actually express the love and pain that is in my heart for my friends. I’d love to read an update to this article. How do you feel several years later? Would you still give the same advice? Thank you.

    Reply
  • 70. Next – Our Little Blessings  |  August 11, 2014 at 8:37 am

    […] Here is her post called How to help a grieving friend […]

    Reply
  • 71. Sympathy & New Family Meals Matter to the Church  |  September 12, 2014 at 4:11 am

    […] you’re taking a meal to a grieving family, I’d encourage you to read this series by Molly Piper (John Piper’s daughter-in-law).  It’s personal, kind and […]

    Reply

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