Do you want to die this Mother’s Day?

May 9, 2009 at 5:23 pm 136 comments

For most of you who read this blog, Mother’s Day is a happy day, full of celebration and laughter as you behold the faces of your children—all your children.

For some of you who read here, Mother’s Day is part-celebration and part-torture. There’s sweetness in the faces of the husband and children who are here. But just about a millimeter away from those joys, a deep and bitter pain resides.

For some of you, there seems to be only torture and (what feels like) everlasting pain. Maybe you’ve miscarried all your children. Or maybe your only child is dead. Or maybe you long for children like nothing else on this earth and you still don’t have any. You probably feel like you’re not a mother. You probably feel like half a woman.

I’m in the second category. For me it’s because one of my children is missing. I have two precious boys, but my only daughter is missing. My little girl is missing.

I suppose “missing” implies that I don’t know where she is. But I do know where she is, I just can’t get to her.

Unless I died this Mother’s Day.

There have been many times when the pain has felt so intense that I was sure that it was going to kill me. And most of those times I thought I would’ve been happier if it had.

But I’m still here. And she’s still there.

So what’s a grieving woman to do on Mother’s Day?

  • Does she just end it now?
  • Does she hole up with her pain and steel herself against love?
  • Does she receive comfort from the Lord as she laments before him?

I want to live in #3. I want you to live in #3. I don’t want to miss one thing that he has for me through this pain.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a really hard, long road. I have no idea how many twists and turns and bumps there will be. But I see him transforming me along this road of suffering. I know I haven’t been perfect in the transformation—I still fight anger, bitterness, hatred, fear, and jealousy all the time. I still rail against his plan for me.

Paul said this in Philippians 1:

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two.

Was Paul suicidal? No. He was giving words to the paradox that we live in as Christians. It would be “far better” to be with Jesus today. It would mean the end of the pain, the end of the tears, the end of the loneliness. It would mean beholding my precious baby girl.

But what did Paul conclude? He knew his presence in the flesh was necessary. He knew that God had plans for his life on earth. If God were finished with him, he would depart.

For probably all of us, today is not the day that God will fulfill all of his work in our lives and take us to be with him. As much as we might long for it, it’s probably not happening today.

What convincing do you need that your presence here is necessary?

  • Will a living baby do it?
  • Will a daughter (or son) do it?
  • Will the love of family and friends do it?

I think those things can certainly help, but even those amazing realities will never be what you and I truly need.

In the deepest part of me, I need Christ. I need his presence in my pain with me. I need his strength to carry my burden. I need his forgiveness for my constant distrust of his plan for my life. I need his peace to rest in, all the days I will live on earth, separated from my daughter.

I guess I want to encourage all of the mourners today to press into the pain with Jesus. Just go ahead and let it flow. Not only can he handle it, he’s the only one who can truly handle it and even heal it.

So as I live through another Mother’s Day without my Felicity, I’m going to laugh at the funny parts, cry at the sad parts, and let my love for her flow through all of it. That’s where I have to live this Mother’s Day.


Entry filed under: Faith, Felicity, Grief.

50 Things About Me: More stuff than you probably ever wanted to know. It’s been an eventful couple weeks for Orison’s head.

136 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Elizabeth  |  May 9, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    Thanks for sharing this Molly. This Mother’s Day would have been the first for two of my friends this year. Your words help me to understand their situations and to know how to pray for them. Thank you.

  • 2. danielbrinton  |  May 9, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Wow – what a moving post! I cannot imagine the depths of pain of losing a child.

    My wife and I are unable to have kids because of a medical condition. I’m certain each Mother’s Day that passes is difficult for her as well, although not as difficult as losing a child. It is difficult for me as well.

    One thing you and my wife (and I) share in common, and I pray that all would have, is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the only way for those who grieve. With full confidence in Him I can say that your Molly is in the arms of her loving Savior.

    God bless you and your family!


    • 3. Stephanie  |  May 11, 2009 at 11:00 pm

      I just wanted to say that you don’t have to qualify your pain of “being unable to have kids” as being “not as difficult as losing a child”. Pain is pain is pain and grief is grief is grief. I used to feel that I had to qualify having miscarried as less painful than stillbirth. There are different angles and corners to every circumstance, but it is the same dark room (if that makes sense).

      Anyways, I don’t know if you needed to hear this (or someone else maybe) but I just want you to know you do not have to sit in the back row or somehow explain what would be worse. I hope it’s okay I said all this. I feel pretty passionate on this subject. I am so sorry for your loss.

      Blessings to you and your wife,


  • 4. Amanda  |  May 9, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing Molly. I actually had been thinking about you lately because there had not been any recent blog posts.

    Your post touches my heart as I grieve over my second Mother’s Day without my precious Gavin. He passed away when he was 26 days old just 8 days before Mother’s Day last year. I grieve for you and all of the other hurting women out there. Yes, I celebrate the fact that the Lord has blessed me immensely with 2 wonderful boys here on Earth but that does not diminish my anguish over not having my third son here with me.

    I needed to hear/read what you wrote tonight and I thank you for that. Thank you for always helping me realize that I am not alone. Praying for you tomorrow as you face what I know will be a happy yet bittersweet day with your family.


  • 5. Kelly @ Love Well  |  May 9, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    One of my most vivid Mother’s Day memories has nothing to do with my own family. Rather, it centers around my youth pastor’s wife. I was in in high school at the time, blissfully ignorant of true suffering. (Read: I thought being grounded counted as torture.)

    Most of us kids in the group knew our youth pastor and his wife had suffered many, many miscarriages over the years as they waited and hoped and prayed for a baby. This particular year, she was glowing, as her belly was finally starting to take shape and the longed-for promise was coming true.

    After Sunday school, walking over to the church in the brilliant sunshine together, she looked at me and said, “This is the first Mother’s Day in 11 years I haven’t cried.”

    Eleven years. I had no way to grasp that kind of pain.

    Ever since, I’ve been so tender toward those who hurt on Mother’s Day. This post is a BEAUTIFUL reminder of how we can pray and thereby honor those in our lives who will ache tomorrow.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Molly. My heart is tender toward you right now. May God pour out grace and laughter, even through your tears.

  • 6. MrsMK  |  May 9, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    With you, Molly!

    To die is gain… many times has it comforted me to know that the Apostle said these words. I had no concept of them until suffering, deep suffering, made heaven seem more real than this life where every day is filled with so much pain.

    I praise and thank God for you, that you have used your gift of writing to encourage! Thank you!

  • 7. Ebe  |  May 9, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    This was such a God glorifying post; pointing us to Christ and what will truly fulfill and last. I am so thankful to have you as a friend (even if our friendship is long distance and through a weird medium like a blog). Friends that will acknowledge deep pain and sorrow while pointing us to our Savior at the same time are few and far between.

    I have to pray daily that I do not put my hope in one day having living children. I know they will only disappoint and leave me feeling unsatisfied if I place my reason for being on them. What an awful burden for a child!

    Christ is big enough, is willing and able to carry our hopes and dreams and wishes…He is the fulfillment of our hopes. The Spirit within us desires to be near to him and only there will we find what we are truly looking for.

    I do hope to die this Mother’s Day, but if I don’t- I pray to choose to live in the present, seeking to be near to Christ and glorify him with the life he’s given me.

    Praying for you and all the mommies of dear ones in Heaven.

  • 8. Crissie  |  May 9, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    Molly… Thank you again. I spent most of today wondering how I’m going to face Mother’s Day tomorrow. Every year my husband makes a bouquet of flowers out of construction paper and each child writes his name on their flower. Scott carefully writes our baby Tanner’s name on a white one. This year, the thought of him adding my Molly and Marie to identical white flowers is really too much for me to bear, but I know that it’s a tradition that must go on. Still, it consumes me…

    Each time I come and read your posts, I resolve again to trust the Lord. I wish that I could tell you that I feel these things on my own, but I don’t feel much these days other than emptiness. Thank you for showing me again that if I continue to try to nurture my faith that it will grow and that the things that I feel are normal.

    I wish I could hug you…


  • 9. Suzanne  |  May 9, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Thanks for this post, Molly. I am in category #2, too, but for a different reason that you mentioned. I am the mother of three wonderful boys, yet my own mother died 14 years ago. Being able to celebrate as a mother (instead of the one without a mother), has made the holiday much more bearable.

    The post is also helpful in praying for a friend who has has miscarried every pregnancy. Her heart hurts this weekend.

    Thanks for sharing your heart, once again.

  • 10. Debby  |  May 9, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Precious Molly, I love you and am praying for you tonight. And will be tomorrow. You are close to my heart, sister.

  • 11. Kate  |  May 9, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    Thank you for this great post. It’s helped to loosen some of the knots I have in my stomach as Mothers’ Day approaches (my first since my stillbirth).

  • 12. Holley  |  May 9, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    Sweet Molly, thank you for being so honest. As someone who has struggled with infertility for almost five years and said good-bye to a baby I loved but never got to hold because of a miscarriage, I can relate. I also shared about “When Mother’s Day is Difficult” on my blog earlier this week because I’m passionate about seeing more people (and churches) recognize both sides of this holiday–the beautiful and the broken. Thank you for doing that here. I’m praying for you and grieving with you this Mother’s Day.

  • 13. Shannon  |  May 9, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    Molly, your ability to articulate your grief in ways that are so honest and relatable…well, it astounds and blesses me. My first Mother’s Day was only four weeks after I miscarried our first pregnancy, and it took every ounce of strength I had to drag myself to church that day.

    Thank you for sharing this. It really needed to be said. I’m linking to you (and praying for you) tomorrow.

  • 14. Jane  |  May 9, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    Thank you for writing this. I had a miscarriage in September and this would have been my first Mother’s Day. I doubt anyone I know will remember that. Reading your words made me feel less alone.

  • 15. Kathryn @ Expectant Hearst  |  May 10, 2009 at 12:16 am

    Molly, thank you. I’m in group #2 also.. Having spent our 1st Mother’s Day with our 4th child in the hospital last year and just now coming upon having him in Heaven longer than here (we were blessed to have him for 6 1/2 months) and of course, Mother’s Day without him..

    I just wish people would mention their names!

  • 16. Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates  |  May 10, 2009 at 1:31 am

    This is a beautiful post and a good reminder that Mother’s Day is not the same for everybody.

    I’ve had a few miscarriages, but do have a fabulous 9-yr old son. I do enjoy Mother’s Day, but actually think more about my mom who passed away several years ago and my Step Mom who passed away last summer.

    Happy Mother’s Day and blessings to all!

  • 17. Linda Sue  |  May 10, 2009 at 5:11 am

    A beautifully honest post and bless you for seeing through your pain to the purpose of life – which isn’t to be happy little campers but to Glorify God through our lives. I am sitting here struggling about getting ready to go to church – it is usually a miserable morning for me – both due to the deaths of both mother and MIL but mostly to sit there knowing it was God’s will for me to never be a mother. My dear husband hasn’t a clue about how much it upsets me – he and I have only been married 9 years and he isn’t comfortable with my regrets. My life didn’t conform to an idyllic plan and I know in my head God was right – I wouldn’t have been a good parent. Still hurts and I’ll still be praying this morning for relief from the desire – I do enjoy seeing the happy moms – and Happy Sunday to all – whether mothers or not>

  • 18. *~Michelle~*  |  May 10, 2009 at 5:33 am

    What beautiful and inspiring words…

    I will say an extra prayer for you today……know that you are on my heart. I feel blessed that God “led” me to your blog today.

    Peace and love~

  • 19. artsieandie  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:06 am

    This mother’s day, I gave my mom a print of “Empty.”
    It has been 30 years, almost to the day, since my brother was born. In 10 days, it will be 30 years since Jesus took him Home.
    I am just barely beginning to realize how difficult Mother’s Day always was for my mom.

    Keep writing, friend. And thank you.

    • 20. Holly  |  May 16, 2009 at 3:06 pm

      Could you please tell me more about this print “EMPTY”.

  • 21. Elaine at Lipstickdaily  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:15 am

    Thanks for sharing this. I will pass it along to my mother, who lost her first son as an infant, and who lost her first daughter as a 44 yaer old . . . on Mother’s Day.

  • 22. suzanne  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:30 am

    I can’t imagine losing a child ever gets easier, but your thoughts definitely are the way to find comfort and to endure. Heaven for you is a sweeter place to look forward to, I am sure. Not that we don’t all anticipate heaven being wonderful, but your baby’s presence makes it all the more. Thanks for sharing such sweet, touching words…..I celebrate Mother’s Day with my children, but my own Mom died in ’93. I do, however, have a fabulous Mother in law, a gift from God! Enjoy your day, and the blessings that are tangible!


  • 23. Adventures In Babywearing  |  May 10, 2009 at 7:04 am

    Oh my goodness. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing these words. And your heart.


  • 24. Marla Taviano  |  May 10, 2009 at 7:08 am

    I’ve never read anything more beautiful for Mother’s Day. Bless you. Loving you, friend!

  • 25. Mother’s Day « life in the moment  |  May 10, 2009 at 7:47 am

    […] A better writer than I has thoughts on this day, as well: go here to read them. […]

  • 26. Chris  |  May 10, 2009 at 8:36 am

    You have said it perfectly. There is nothing left to say.
    Praying for you and all of us who have lost children or mothers…

  • 27. Karolien  |  May 10, 2009 at 8:39 am

    thank you, this post is just what i needed to read today. I’m celebrating this mothersday with one of my daughters, because the other is in heaven

  • 28. Rebecca  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:08 am

    And now I’m in tears. What a moving post. I am not missing any children this year but missing my mom who was taken violently from me just over two years ago. It is a bitter sweet sort of day, as are all special days and even many regular ones. My heart aches for you. I’m sending hugs across the internet & prayers up to heaven that you & all mourning mothers will find comfort in this day.

  • 29. Melissa Parnell  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:54 am

    oh Molly, you have such a way with words. Thanks for your beautiful honesty. I am thinking about you and praying for you today (along with the others who are mourning). May you feel His nearness today and always.

  • 30. Tilliewager910  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:06 am

    Aw, that is so sad. i’m not a mother, I’m a daughter. ='(

  • 31. Cara  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:10 am

    Molly – thank you so much for acknowledging the pain so many women experience on Mother’s Day. The question in the back of my head as I went to bed last night was, “Am I going to fall apart tomorrow?”

    Your post was so encouraging; a great reminder that Jesus loves to hold all the broken little pieces that we are, and he tenderly puts us back together.

  • 32. Christa Bartlett  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:15 am

    This is the fifth Mother’s Day we’ve celebrated without our eldest son. And that seems odd because we only got five Mother’s Days with him. God has blessed us abundantly with three more healthy sons and a fifth due in two weeks, but this morning I was overwhelmed at the thought that we’ll never all sit at the same table on this side of heaven. And while that makes the thought of heaven that much sweeter, it also drives me to pray more fervently for my four sons who are still here with me – that they will find my Jesus early and seek after Him constantly, that one day we will all, indeed, gather to worship together at the throne of Christ.

    Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

  • 33. raginggenius  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:28 am

    I personally cannot imagine your pain at all. My pastor’s wife can as she lost her son. My prayers are with you. If you would just like to communicate with someone who can share what you do her blog is Sincerely The Raging Genius P.s. She is not the average “pastor’s wife” meaning she does not live The Stained Glass Masquerade, that many of them do.

  • 34. LaDonna  |  May 10, 2009 at 11:08 am

    I too have a baby, a boy, missing. Today is bittersweet, but getting more sweet each year. (We are in year 5.)

  • 35. Stephanie  |  May 10, 2009 at 11:40 am


    I haven’t seen you in so long. Thanks for sharing this. I have been praying and upholding you and Abraham up in my prayers. I really appreciate your honesty–something that I’ve always admired about you.

  • 36. Mike Tong  |  May 10, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    We love you, Molly.

  • 37. No No Nanette  |  May 10, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    This is my sixth Mother’s day without my daughter natalie who was stillborn. I can say that choosing to live has been worth it. My son is almost five, my little girl is two, and I have a blueberry that will be born around Christmas if that is the Lord’s will. Today is full of joy.

    Natalie’s birthday is Wednesday next week. I haven’t been thinking about it yet. It is always a sad week, and tiring, and full of tears. The hope of Heaven is sweet, but I miss her.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Molly. Thank you for this lovely post.

  • 38. Jennifer@SmellingCoffee  |  May 10, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    This was beautifully said. I’m praying for you and these other dear women today.

  • 39. Lyndsey  |  May 10, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. My heart goes out to you. I dealt with years of infertility and know this is a hard day for a lot of women. Thanks.

  • 40. Jane Swanson  |  May 10, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Ah, Molly. Such a way with words. Honesty. It flows from you.

    “missing”. yes, someone is missing, and I still “rail against God’s plan for me” AND like you, I spent the day “laughing at the funny parts, crying at the sad parts, and letting my love for the ‘missing’ flow through all of it.

    Pressing into the pain with Jesus with you,

  • 41. Maddy Furlong  |  May 10, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    I was at the 11 o’clock church service this morning, sitting four rows back, and watched as you and Abraham dedicated your beautiful baby boy, Morrow.
    I am only a junior in college- I have no children and cant even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose a child. The thought of it makes my stomach twist.
    I saw how painful, bittersweet, all of it was for you. (honestly, my friends and were crying with you) So, I write to say that I am thankful for your obvious dependence on Christ in all of this- its a strong ministry to all women. Enjoy your day, and the picture of beautiful Felicity sitting at the feet of Jesus.
    – Maddy

  • 42. JanMary, N Ireland  |  May 10, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    Powerful, moving and honest post.

    Hugs and prayers for those who mourn today.

  • 43. jumblethrift  |  May 10, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    That last paragraph is so good, Molly. I hope you feel freedom for all of it today. Karsten

  • 44. Elizabeth Esther  |  May 10, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Grief likes yours must be an indelible mark. No matter how much time passes, the grief perhaps won’t get easier–it will perhaps just be different. I think you’re on the right track: accepting it, letting it in, crying when you need to and laughing, too. Life + grief is so strange sometimes, so unexpected and yet, also a gift. You’re in my heart and memory today. I love you, Molly!

  • 45. Kelly  |  May 10, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    A lot of people never even think of this part of Mother’s Day. My Mom suffers, her only son is gone. He was taken from us 4 years ago this July. Mother’s Day is the hardest day of the year for her. Thank you for writing this post and hopefully bringing attention to the sensitive parts of Mother’s Day

  • 46. amanda  |  May 10, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    felicity is so lucky to have a mother who honors her life so diligently and feels her absence so profoundly. lots of people walk through entire lifetimes without anything even resembling that.

    happy mother’s day. you’re a great mommy.

  • 47. Vins0y  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    Sometimes you do need to experience such things for you to be able to teach and enlighten other people. Your experience is indeed agonizing but for sure there is a light that will put an end on it, shining on you and your family.

    God has his own reasons in giving us such paths to take, sometimes we just have to believe and put a little more faith on him.

  • 48. Top Posts «  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    […] Do you want to die this Mother’s Day? For most of you who read this blog, Mother’s Day is a happy day, full of celebration and laughter as you behold […] […]

  • 49. christina  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    I like to think of them as missing children rather than miscarriages. The word seems nameless, almost like a disease. My baby was born into the arms of Jesus at 15 weeks gestation on April 11. I did not have much time to mourn that night because I was hemorrhaging. At the hospital I was treated like I had a disease. I can not believe that pain can truly be measured. It is difficult to imagine someone elses pain, but I do empathize with mothers who have lost babies in the womb. This is our second loss. We lost our first ten years ago two weeks after Mother’s Day.
    I take comfort in knowing that pain and loss makes the things we have so much more wonderful. Each moment that my other six children spend with me is special. I try not to take any life for granted–mine or theirs.
    God bless all this Mother’s Day.

  • 50. holliep  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    Im in yr 16 of missing my Sam. It is a hard road and a long one, for me I did find God gave me strength on days when I needed it most. 4 years later my daughter was born with special needs and that has been another journey.I recently was remembering Sam on my blog. and by the way there were many times I wanted to die on the path, and on those days god gave me the strength.

  • 51. Linda  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Molly, thanks for sharing your heart and your faith in the midst of your pain and blessing others through your honesty.

  • 52. Nixter  |  May 10, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    An amazing thoughtful post! Thanks!

  • 53. musicmaiden  |  May 10, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    I’m only 17, so I understand very little of what you’re going through, but I think your post helped me to understand other women better. My Mom, sister and I sang ‘A Mother’s Love’ by Ron Hamilton for church this morning, and I saw a couple of women crying. I don’t know the stories behind the tears; but I will be praying for them, and for you.

    Love in Christ,

  • 54. Danny Lucas  |  May 10, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    I have three little ones in heaven, for 5 pregnancies produced two little girls.
    I like to think there is a “Children’s Section” in heaven and your Felicity is playing with my own three……laughing in great joy.

    I am like you,…. viewing missed proms, graduations, dreams and hopes, in-laws, and grandchildren that could have been.

    But I learned from my older sister Kathie.
    She has 5 children and scads of grandchildren. But her daughter Sarah was a Felicity long ago. Kathie’s husband has also died. They made it 34 years “til death do us part”. But if I go to the cemetary, Kathie is found at Sarah’s grave. It feels like being at Ground Zero as the 110 stories of concrete collapse upon my heart.

    May you one day walk out of the shadow of sorrow and into songs of joy. May Abraham walk with you that day as well.
    Hold on. Just, hold on as best you can.
    For some of us, the fog lasts a long time.
    Your love for Felicity is obvious.

    There is no more hurt when there is no more heart. So as much as I hate to see the hurt, I am hopeful as I view the abundance within your heart. God be with you.

  • 55. sandrajo  |  May 10, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    I appreciated your words of lamenting before God while receiving comfort from Him at the same time – how true your words are in my life situations as well.
    His presence and sovereignty provide both comfort and questions – yet He is okay with our emotions. He understands and cares, comforts and loves, provides hope and peace – saves all of our tears in bottles and continues to redeem.
    What a wonderful Savior.
    “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me…”Psalm 138:8


    Sandra Joseph
    Blog: Recognize & Remember

  • 56. elissestuart  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    I read your blog recently and I was thinking of you today.
    My great niece would be five now. She died at 36 weeks gestation and was already cradled in the arms of Jesus when she was born into this world two days later.
    My great comfort was the dream I had a few days later. It was a vision from Abba Father – I have no doubt….it was a precious and priceless treasure.
    My little niece is surrounded by her 7 brothers and sisters….all who died before birth…I look forward to the day that I can hold each one of them.
    It is my prayer that you and your husband will have peace that passes understanding.
    Hugs to you.
    God Bless

  • 57. Nash  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Thank you Molly. You are such a wonderful witness to Jesus peace in the middle of all the biterness that you had.

  • 58. jennapants  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Thank you, Molly. Your words are helpful. You’ve taught me so much over this year and a half. I love you!

  • 59. Mel  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    :] i’m so glad i stopped to read this.
    it’s nice to know people feel the same way sometimes

  • 60. mirianne  |  May 10, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    very nice post! thanks for writing it and thanks for bringing up the Philippians passage!

  • 61. Amy  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    You beautifully conveyed what I couldn’t today. I haven’t experience the horror of losing a child but I did lose my mom and Mother’s Day is never quite right.

    I am deeply sorry for your loss.

    Happy Mother’s Day to you from a girl who didn’t get to say it today.

  • 62. Vera  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    What a beautiful post.

  • 63. Kara  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Just know that today my heart echoed many of your words…last year’s May 10th was the memorial…this year’s May 10th…the first Mother’s Day without her…thanks for sharing…and the reminder that Jesus can handle my strange mix of Mother’s Day emotions.

  • 64. The First Carol  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    Loss comes in many forms as well as comfort and gain, and sometimes another’s loss is our gain.

    Today, I thank a mother I will never meet. Without her I’d have an empty, sad, clean house. Thank you birth mother. This child, your gift to me, is loved.

  • 65. tubeless  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    simply, Thank you! my heart feels this pain of missing my babies.

  • 66. Elaine  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    Beautiful post and very comforting. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  • 67. Kahle  |  May 10, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    Thank you for your post. I came upon it from another blog and so glad that i did. today has been quite the struggle for me and I know God had your blog in plan for me to read at just the right time. I have a pain just a little different from yours but its all the same feelings and emotions. God is so good to provide his love for us and fill those voids we are missing!

  • 68. ashi  |  May 10, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    Lovely post. You have expressed yourself so clearly, your words touched my heart. Thanks for sharing.

  • 69. trish  |  May 10, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    I stumbled upon your blog today by accident. Your words touched my heart in a way nothing has for a long time. My older sister passed 16and a half years ago, and I could never understand my mother as she was her step daughter, but they were closer than biological mother and daughter due to their bond as friends as well… I came frighteningly close to losing my own daughter nearly 4 years ago, but for the grace of God, and the power of prayer she is with me today. Not one day goes by that I don’t think on that day, and thank Him for her life. Mothers Day for me brings home the reality that I do have 3 healthy children now, and only by the grace of God!
    thankyou for giving me insight into your life

  • 70. Rachael Starke  |  May 10, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    Thank your for helping us see Jesus through the tears.

  • 71. Christopher  |  May 11, 2009 at 12:33 am

    I am single 25 year old man with no children, so I cannot internalize your pain, but thank you so much for your brutal honesty. Thank you for honesty in your failures and struggles. You have no idea how encouraging that is for even others with different pains and journeys to tread. In more ways than one, your post has helped remind me how Jesus is right here with us even in the suffering and that He’ll never leave us. So again, Thank you.

  • 72. Beth  |  May 11, 2009 at 12:44 am

    Thank you. It truly helps that someone recognizes and relates to the torture that Mother’s Day can bring when you have the wrong perspective.

  • 73. Marny  |  May 11, 2009 at 1:40 am


  • 74. linda  |  May 11, 2009 at 1:53 am

    Thank you Molly for this honest sharing. One of my dear sisters in Christ lost her mom a year ago, and your sharing of your grief has helped me to be sensitive to see a tiny part of the enormous pain she must be feeling today. She is pretty quiet about her grief, but your sharing reminds me that she needs my love and prayers very much.

  • 75. underthehedge  |  May 11, 2009 at 2:04 am

    It is so good to hear someone elses words on this topic of mothers day and baby loss.
    I say this in memory of all the babies who have not yet been missed.

  • 76. Paula  |  May 11, 2009 at 2:18 am

    I have lost 4 babies at this point. And yet, we will keep trying.
    God knows best…

  • 77. Johan Firdaus  |  May 11, 2009 at 2:45 am

    wow, strange title, i almost thought u r a lunatic

    but after i read all the article u write, i can only say ‘WOW”

    I’m gonna inform all my friend about this great blog of yours

    thanks for sharing it with us

  • 78. huma205final  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:33 am

    I could be really spiritual or emotional here, but I’m going to be NOW. What I mean is, I’m just gonna write what I want to say NOW! Suffering is key to true joy, I just know it. Though we cannot purposely suffer to obtain joy, Gods ways are higher; we allow ourselves to go through the suffering He allows us to go through. At times I pray and tell Our Father, “I cannot go on and I am so burdened that I want life here to end. I cannot suffer like this anymore, it’s too much!” I know he hears me because he’s God. My faith is fully in him to bring me through. In these moments he and I both know I am humbled. Over the past 5 years I have been in so much mental and emotional pain and it’s been most of the time. Only sometimes do I sense joy, peace, and a sound mind. But I know since He has not allowed me to go yet, He has not fulfilled my request to leave this body; He must have good plans for me. Because I know this I can suffer anything- even the death of this body. I am confident in his sacrifice, confident in his forgiveness, confident in the power of his blood and confident in my salvation.

    The more we share and express our sufferings in Christ collectively and publicly the more we share in his joy collectively and Publicly. The joy is this: he has overcome death and suffering, the world and corruption. The only thing left is true life. This is our joy, our strength; he has overcome that which appears to be our suffering. We are IN him- he has overcome! He has…

    -Happy Mothers day Pipers

  • 79. Annette  |  May 11, 2009 at 6:04 am

    Sure…..make me weep again. All those times I think I’ve gotten past my miscarriages…and all this does is make me weep within again. Yes, it does remind me that God does Know best….but sometimes ah….I ache. I am happy and content with the boy child I have and God has indeed been gracious to me. I didn’t expect to be caught off guard this morning. 🙂

    it’s been a choice….do I live in the present with what God has given me, or do I retreat into the pain of the past? I’ll take the present! It’s much better trying to live to glorify God than it is remain in a place that doesn’t. 🙂

  • 80. saligo  |  May 11, 2009 at 6:19 am

    Thank you molly for this great post, Imay count my little sade and short story.
    I guess you siad very elequatly in describing the happiness, sadness and grive a mother can go through. But mine in the third gategorie.
    I just would like to ask all of you to pray for me so god could give me my own children.

  • 81. clary  |  May 11, 2009 at 7:13 am

    This post brought to my attention the pain and sorrow so many mother’s have to go through on this day, thank you. Sometimes I feel that what I go through on a daily basis with my kids is bad but this is much worst. I am sorry for what you are going through and pray that in time your daughter returns.

  • 82. JessicainFlorida  |  May 11, 2009 at 7:27 am

    I’m so proud of you, Molly. You honor Felicity with this post. You honor the Lord with this post.

    Trusting God to faithfully carry you today…

    I love you! Jessica

  • 84. Stephanie  |  May 11, 2009 at 7:48 am

    THank u so much for this post. This was my first mother’s day after the death of my baby boy. It was an extremely difficult day. I have only survived because of my faith. I don’t think people fully understand how much easier it is with Jesus! I just wanted to say thanks and may God continue to bless u and your family! I take comfort in knowing my son, Ben, is walking hand in hand with Jesus right now in heaven!

  • 85. Tia  |  May 11, 2009 at 7:48 am

    I’m at 10 years without Clara. I think what still surprises me is that when I count the heads of my other 4 children, I still feel in my heart the panic of “missing” my 5th. She was 3rd in the birth order and the line up never feels complete. For a long time I craned my neck around, looking for her. Getting used the gap is not something I expect to happen. Thanks for your post and for saying your daughter’s name out loud.

  • 86. bronzedshoe  |  May 11, 2009 at 8:05 am

    Thank you so much for sharing. You are an amazing testament to Grace– way to let God work through you!

  • 87. Becky  |  May 11, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Thank you, Molly, for your precious words. I come away from your blog most times with tears in my eyes. You are so honest and…deep. It makes me feel like I could do the same. I have not lost a child, but I do yearn to have one. The fear that this could happen to me is overwhelming. But your strength in Christ and His love is a far greater testimony. Thank you for sharing. You have been a great encourangement to me countless times. May God’s hand be over you.

  • 88. Nikki  |  May 11, 2009 at 9:32 am

    Amen sister. Amen.

    I think about the two little ones we lost (I guess not lost, but you know what I mean) all the time. Praying for you today.

  • 89. emily  |  May 11, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Thank you for this post. The title says it all.

  • 90. Georgia  |  May 11, 2009 at 10:31 am

    I have not experienced the loss discussed here. My own mother is still on this earth, no matter how strained the relationship. I have 3 children, under the age of 5, and another one on the way. Many times I feel overwhelmed and frustrated. It becomes very easy to resent my blessings. Thank you for helping me to see how fortunate and blessed I am. I will ask God to give me the grace and compassion for sensitivity to others’ hurt and pain.

  • 91. MLB  |  May 11, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Thanks for sharing this. I just loss my first child to an ectopic pregnancy last month and this would have been my first mother’s day. On the outside I may have looked happy but on the inside I was dying but didnt say to much because I didnt think anyone would understand because I have heard some say your not a mother you dont have a baby. No one can understand the pain you feel unless its happened to you. I appreciate the thoughtfullness and the comfort that my fiance did give me yesterday by wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day and giving me flowers.

  • […] can find it at: Do you want to die this Mother’s Day? Perhaps it will help someone who is struggling with that […]

  • 93. Abigail  |  May 11, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    This is a wonderful article. I put a link to it in one my own blog posts…it is that good.

  • 94. Jessi  |  May 11, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    Thank you for this wonderful post.

  • 95. oldwomaninashoe  |  May 11, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    Your post is beautiful. It reminds us all to be greatful for what we do have, and to keep faith with us for those times when we don’t feel so glad.

  • 96. Tya  |  May 11, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Thanks so much for this post. Some people don’t understand how much it hurts to have missing children. We have two wonderful boys here on earth, but we also miss:Rilian,Lucian, Tirian,Cor,Corin, Peter, Eustace, and Samuel. A good friend told me years ago”we should name our miscarried children, God knows who they are, but they should not be nameless here on earth.”

  • 97. JenR  |  May 11, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    I have been praying for you and thinking of you a lot this weekend, Molly. I think that Mother’s Day can be an unintentionally heartbreaking holiday for a lot of women, and I am thankful that your blog sheds light on that.

  • 98. Worth the read « Recognize and Remember  |  May 11, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    […] the title  ”Do you want to die this Mother’s Day”, which can be  found at: .  It is well worth the […]

  • 99. Jason  |  May 11, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Great post. Thank you for sharing it.

  • 100. Joy of Frugal Living  |  May 11, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    Excellent post, thank you so much. I have one living little boy at 30 weeks (in my belly) and three in heaven. I miss them so much. It was wonderful to finally have a great deal of happiness in my Mother’s Day, but I will always always miss them. You really have to live it to understand, which makes it pretty lonely sometimes. At the same time I feel I’ve learned so much through this experience. I wouldn’t want to do it again, and I pray for many more children I get to keep, but I am happier with who I am today for the experience. Without asking God to show me what good he could bring though all of this, I would have missed out on a lot.

    Praying for you and for all in this sad situation.

  • 101. Patrick  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    I saw the post title yesterday but refused to read it…today I did. Not quite what I expected.

  • 102. Patrick  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    40 Mother’s Day’s have passed during my lifetime and not one of them have I had the pleasure, the joy, even the opportunity to know who my mother is or was.

    Every year I pray that one day I will have that opportunity but until then, it can be the cruelest day of the year for many.

  • 103. Courtney Tipping  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    A friend just sent me your post from yesterday, and it was really encouraging for me to read right now. You can check out our story on our blog. But long story short, I was pregnant with sextuplets, and I delivered preterm at 21 weeks-and so mother’s day was a bit of a surreal thing. I almost don’t feel really worthy of it which sounds stupid, but at the same time it is a weird feeling. Thanks for the blessing you were by sharing this. I would love to know more of your story, look forward to reading more!

  • 104. Courtney Tipping  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    I didn’t say this in the post above, but this was only about a month and a half ago that everything happened

  • 105. thefaithfulmind  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Wow…that was very touching to me. I have always thought that the blatantly painful but honest and real confession of inner struggles like this and the reliance on God that they bring about are perhaps the most powerful testimony that we as Christians can share with the world. Thank you for sharing!


  • 106. Mama Bird  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Thank you for sharing your grief with us. You write beautifully and I was very touched. Your advice for leaning on the Lord can apply to so many difficulties in life that I needed to hear it even though I haven’t lost a child. I personally struggle with giving my troubles to the Lord in other areas and you’ve reminded me He is the only way to alleviate them.

    God Bless you and your family!

  • 107. Goddess Adonia  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Your words are ever so beautiful. I’ve lost my baby and i think of her everyday, Especially birthdays and mothers day. Thankyou for your precious thoughts. Sending you lots of love, God Bless xx

  • 108. Ronnica  |  May 11, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Thanks, Molly, for your biblical look at this. As a single woman who has no idea if she’ll ever be a mother, this day has struck me as a hard day, as it brings all those unfulfilled desires to the forefront. Yet, I will trust in God.

  • 109. Mary  |  May 11, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    Thank you for this. I have no children and likely never will due to various reasons, the main being a disagreement on the part of my husband to consider fertility options or adoption. This Mother’s Day I was with my mother and cried about it in her arms for the first time. She does not know all the details of our struggles. What she knows is this: we have been married four years, I always wanted children, they have none by now and so something must be wrong. It was a relief to just cry on her shoulder even though very few words were said. I cried again reading this post. I was dreading Mother’s Day as it approached and I suspect that will be the case for a long time to come. I tried to put my energies and focus on my own mother, whom I am so very blessed to have in my life. Thank you for having a place in the cyberworld where I can come to be understood. A clerk in a store wished me a Happy Mother’s Day and it was all I could do to keep from crying on the spot. I have come to realize that Mother’s Day will be a day where I feel once I wake up, I want to get the day over with as quickly as possible. Then I can go to bed, and start over in an entirely new day, where hope can live.

  • 110. Kathryn  |  May 11, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Molly, thanks for this. I lost my only sweet baby, Lucas Brooks, when he was stillborn in December. This weekend has hurt a lot. I want to live in #3 with you, too!

  • 111. SharonAbelle  |  May 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    I’m so glad you took the time to share this. We “lost” a little guy about 40 years ago. About 7-8 years ago, as I was thinking about the lack of closure that I still felt, it occurred to me that it might help if we named him. So hubby and I did: Stephen waits for us (and his two brothers) in heaven.

    It drives me crazy that there are no sensible Mother’s Day cards for grieving mothers or imperfect mothers….or mothers with children in prison…or mothers whose children died last week…or mothers who have been physically abused by their children.

    I used to hate Mother’s Day with a vengeance, because I knew all of my own imperfections and problems, and felt overwhelmed by them. Felt like a complete failure. And Mother’s Day, with the obligatory references to Proverbs 31 was always about more than I could take (but I couldn’t “miss church” because I played the piano!). God bless my mid-40’s sons who have given me their unconditional love and encouragement over the years!

  • 112. meshaye  |  May 11, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Thank you. You are an angel & so are many of the comments. I grieve my child daily. There are many ways to lose a child but no one ever mentions the way I lost mine by name. Some feel like I should be over my grief and guilt and beyond my regrets. I am not. I am not afraid of the grave anymore. I have died a little bit daily since my abortion. Some of my self worth, my faith even, it died with my baby that day. But I have been forgiven and my sin cast in the sea of forgetfulness. I am not ashamed for I am a new creature in Christ. I speak out becuase post-abortive women grieve their babies as well and need healing. The world needs to know that abortion hurts women and has devastating effects emtionally and physically.

  • 113. Sumi  |  May 11, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    Thank you Molly. Mother’s Day will always be a bittersweet day for me too. I could relate wholly to your post. my only little girl is ‘missing’ too. The only thing I can do is press in to my relationship with Jesus too and let his precious peace and soothing presence wash over me.

    To the poster just above me, a good friend at church condfided to me on Mother’s Day of 2008, when our loss of Jenna was still fresh and the pain was searingly intense, that she had lost two babies to abortion. All the mothers at the church received a rose that day, except for her. People paid special attention to me, because of my loss. No-one thought to comfort her or give her a rose for Mother’s Day.
    I wrote a special little card for her this year…she needed to know that in God’s eyes she is a mommy too and that her babies are just as excited about seeing her as Jenna is about seeing me again.
    HUGS to you…your loss is every bit as real as mine.

  • 114. Sheila  |  May 11, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    Bless your heart. I am so sorry. I am going to send the link from your post to my friend Deb in Denver who lost her only son last summer, this is her first Mother’s Day without him. I’m praying for my sister-in-law as well, as my nephew was killed 2 weeks ago. I so admire you and hope God blesses you abundantly, because honestly, I don’t know how I could go on. God bless you with His grace and loving kindness. I hope he sends angels to comfort you and personal blessings to remind you that He is in this.


  • 115. andrea  |  May 11, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    Molly, I love you. And I miss seeing you guys..

  • 116. Melissa Cummings  |  May 12, 2009 at 10:40 am

    I *so* needed someone else to put into words what I simply did not want to. THANK YOU.

  • 117. Claire  |  May 12, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.


  • 118. stacey  |  May 12, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    This is a lovely post and such a powerful reminder for all of us. I am a woman who has miscarried all of her six children. I’ve never been able to hold any of my babies in my arms, and I feel the pain of that every day – especially on Mother’s Day.

    I am so glad to have found your blog. I know it’s no coincidence that I would find it at just this time.

    I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for turning your own pain into a ministry and for pointing others to Christ.

  • 119. Richelle  |  May 12, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    I am in the category of not yet having children and wanting them very badly. Since I was very young I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. It is something I feel I am truly born to do.
    But I am 35 and recently married. The age I am now at is when, medically speaking, they say the chances of having children decreases dramatically. However, I truly believe God will bless my husband and I with children. But it is so very hard to wait for them. I too have struggled, worried, cried out to God, and been embittered against His plan for me.
    Just today, I have given everything over to Him again. Not just this, although it is a big part of my struggle. I know the pain of being childless. Anyone who has experienced it knows how it is. You feel envious of those who have children. And when you get a few precious moments to hold and love other people’s children, it breaks your heart when they suddenly “want mommy.” All you can do is let them go because they don’t belong to you. But it is heart wrenching.
    Your post made me think about all of this again. And while I very much want children, I have vowed to love God even if He never blesses my husband I with them. Because His Love is greater than my wants no matter how big they seem. And HE is enough. Period. God Bless You

  • 120. Laura  |  May 12, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Thank you Molly!

    Mother’s Day is always the hardest day of the year for me. Even harder than the anniversary of Tyler’s birth, life or death.

    It is comforting to know that I am not the only one hurting and mourning on Mother’s Day.

    It is also wonderful to hear that other’s are also pressing into their pain with Jesus! He alone can handle it all and heal us.

    Thank you Molly!

  • 121. Aimee Crane  |  May 13, 2009 at 9:27 am

    Beautiful. Painful. Healing. Thank you and God bless you.

  • 122. psalm61  |  May 13, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    wow. very powerful and inspiring. my wife and i lost our daughter to epilepsy. this is a struggle for us, especially my wife (my step daughter who passed away). each mother’s day is painful as well as the other holidays that come each year. they are all a constant reminder that she is not with us.
    thanks you for your openness and being vulnerable.

  • 123. sheramblings  |  May 13, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    “Do I want to die…today…Mother’s Day?”


    Did I make it
    Was it pretty? No.

    I don’t want to die today.
    18 years ago I might have said…Yes.

    I’m not romantic or sentimental…but I did bury my son.
    His name is Chase. And I will always number him.

    I have 5 boys.

  • 124. Crystal Theresa  |  May 14, 2009 at 1:43 am

    Dear Molly,

    I was referred to your blog recently by a woman who lost her son 3 days after birth. This past Sunday was my first Mother’s Day. It was also my first Mother’s Day without my son, who I lost in March, at 18 weeks. I thought I would be celebrating Mother’s Day with my baby safe in my belly, but that wasn’t God’s plan, and I am trying to accept His will without question.

    There are times when I want to die, but not in the way that would require medication or hospitalization (though a therapist I spoke with thinks I’m suicidal; but she also told me that my baby wasn’t a baby). I want to die because I want to be with my son. I want to hold him close to me and know what it is to feel him and hear him. But I have to find comfort in knowing that Calvin is with Jesus, who loves him even more than I do.

    Thank you for this post. I know God is calling me closer to Him, and I am trying.

  • 125. Mrs. Damian (Ouida) Garcia  |  May 14, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    I have had 5 miscarriages and a baby that was born at 24 weeks but died shortly after birth. I also have 6 living children. As much as I love my living children, there is still deep pain from losing the others. I also think that seeing my others grow up into wonderful people makes it all the harder to know that there are some missing here on earth. I have comfort in knowing they are with Christ but the pain is still there. I don’t know if it gets easier as the years go by. I do know that God is merciful and comforts me when I need it the most. There was hopes and dreams with every child I was blessed with but until I am on the other side I won’t know or understand why those dreams were dashed away. I rest in the comfort that Gods ways are not our ways and one day it won’t matter anymore because I will be in Heaven with all my children. Blessings to all of you. May God comfort each of you in the way that you need it.

    Mrs. Damian Garcia

  • 126. Amy Bowers  |  May 14, 2009 at 7:03 pm

    Your story was beautiful, sad, hopeful & full of faith. What a testimony. Just keep looking up to Jesus.

    We lost 3 babies before we had our 3 boys, and even though the oldest would be 17 now it can still take my breath away. He would be a senior next year. My other boys are a gift straight from God – but when I am called home I will RUN to those 3 little ones I didn’t get to hold. The ache of empty arms can be so under estimated.

    Thank you for helping others understand.

  • 127. pumpkin77  |  May 15, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Thank you, Molly. As a 31-year-old single woman with no children (and desiring them), the day has often been challenging for me but I don’t really have the means to express that. This year I was so blessed when a mom of 5 adult children approached me after church and wordlessly gave me her bouquet of roses which all the mothers had received.

    It is so comforting to be seen and understood, if even for a moment. Thank you for doing that for all of us as well.

  • 128. Vanessa  |  May 16, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    Thanks Molly for expressing your thoughts on Mother’s day. This year was my first without Matthew, and I felt sad all day. All I wanted was to be acknowledged as Matthew’s mother and only 1 person did that (by text message). I couldn’t understand what the big deal was with my feelings until I read your blog the next morning. I’m so glad I found it because it helped me understand my own sense of sadness and confusion over a day which has never traditionally meant much in my family.

  • 129. Mother’s Day 2009 « The Pipers  |  May 18, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    […] 18, 2009 In my post about Mother’s Day, I made quick reference to some of the sweet moments of Mother’s Day. I thought I’d let […]

  • 130. Caryn  |  May 18, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    “In the deepest part of me, I need Christ. I need his presence in my pain with me. I need his strength to carry my burden. I need his forgiveness for my constant distrust of his plan for my life. I need his peace to rest in, all the days I will live on earth, separated from my daughter.”

    Molly, this paragraph was so encouraging to me – “like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Prov 16:24).

  • 131. doris  |  May 18, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    I called my child Gerald.
    He died at 10 weeks old
    the blood is flowing in my mind
    the blood he shared with me
    I did not protect him
    no-one protected me
    what goes around comes around
    and now i expect to see
    death come my way
    by callous hands
    doctors are killing
    patients are willing
    and babes die
    day by day
    Be honest call it by name
    Gerald is his name
    very dear to me
    he has a brother and a sister
    and a father too
    they do not know as well as me
    the pain he went through
    they have mourned him and let him go
    but I can’t you see
    when killing my baby
    I killed me
    and so my son be free to go
    and live at heavens door
    and when i glance up
    I see you are in pain no more
    What of the other women
    who are wondering what to do
    in their moments of crisis
    lets tell the truth
    the baby is part of you
    Welcome your baby
    and welcome yourself
    the courage will come through

  • 132. Jane  |  May 19, 2009 at 6:44 am

    Thank you so much for this honest, God-centered post.

  • 133. Becky  |  June 1, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    My heart aches with you, I know your pain well.

  • 134. Megan Bell  |  October 2, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    I know this is a really old post, but in a few days it will be the three year anniversary of my mother’s death. I was only fifteen when she passed away. And God led me here through a sudden urge to check 22 words which led to a link which led to a link, and He has granted me comfort here. Mothers’ Day is torture for we who have lost our mothers too, and I cherish the comfort God has given us in the fellowship of suffering alongside mothers who have lost their children. I’ll be reflecting on the encouragement I’ve received from these posts as October 5th draws closer. And I’ll be remembering you in my prayers when Mothers’ Day comes around too. I praise God for you!

    • 135. Molly Piper  |  October 2, 2009 at 11:26 pm

      Thanks Megan. Your encouragement is God’s love and grace to me tonight. The Lord be near to you in the coming days.

      With the deepest sincerity, Molly

  • 136. 2shortstraw  |  October 3, 2009 at 5:49 am


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