A Chance to Trust: Traveling to El Salvador in November with Compassion International
So there was a little buzz around the Twittersphere this morning when it was announced that I’m joining Compassion International‘s next blogger trip to El Salvador in November.
Most of this so-called buzz was from my good friends, who sent me messages saying things to the effect of, “What???”
So to save myself the effort of having to write back to each of you—Yeah, so… Lord willing, I’m going to El Salvador in November.
Okay, the story goes…
A few weeks ago I was contacted by Shaun Groves, who is the Blogger Relationship Manager of Compassion’s blogger trips, asking if I’d be interested in joining this trip to El Salvador in November. I’d followed a couple of their trips through other blogger friends, and been fascinated by the stories I’ve read.
I also thought it was really cool and innovative on Compassion’s part to use bloggers and their influence in this way.
Anyway, back to the story (by the way, this is what it’s like to have a real conversation with me—rabbit trails, rabbit trails)… so that night I mentioned the email to Abraham and our good friend Wes, and they were both really encouraging about my going. I was really nervous, mostly feeling like I don’t have a good enough blog to do something like this. But they persisted, and the thoughts of the trip persisted in my head and heart.
I’ve always felt really intimidated to start traveling down the road of greater global poverty awareness, social justice issues, etc.—mostly because I felt insecure. I’ll be honest about my insecurities and failings. Ready?
- There’s too much information. I wouldn’t know where to start.
- There’s always people who know more than me and I’m gonna look like an idiot if I try to join this effort.
- I don’t have time.
- I have way too much of my own pain right now.
- I’m forgetful when I have food and clean water and money for groceries.
- I might actually have to change if I know more.
- What if I’m a flash-in-the-pan kind of person? What if I get all gung-ho and then lose steam? (Again, pride telling me I’ll look like an idiot, and me listening to that, instead of to God’s voice.)
But back in the fall, right after Felicity’s first birthday, I was treated by my dear friend Jenna (lovingly known for her quirky online alterego, jennapants) to a concert by Sara Groves, Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken, and others to highlight some ministries doing work with poverty, slavery, and childhood prostitution. I was shaken by it. I remember coming home and asking Abraham random things like, “Do you want to become an abolitionist with me?”
I remember wanting so deeply to get outside of myself for a little while and remember the plight of those around the world who have it so much worse than me.
But it’s been hard. To be honest, year #2 without Felicity has felt so much harder on many levels. A good friend of mine (whose 24-year-old son died a few weeks before Felicity) told me recently, “Year One is the year of shock. Year Two is the year of feeling.” How true that’s been for me.
But in all of that pain, I’ve still felt a tugging and longing to be part of this global effort outside of myself to see change in God’s big world.
I know things like poverty, prostitution, and slavery matter to God. Jesus told us that a cup of cold water matters to him.
So I’m trusting God that none of these experiences and longings have been accidental, that he is indeed doing something in my heart to bring greater measures of healing, bring me to a place of deeper dependence on him, show himself to me in new ways… I’m eager.
I’m trusting him that these non-accidents are going to set a tone for Year #3, the theme of which is yet to be experienced.
I really hope you’ll stay tuned through November and pray me through the trip to El Salvador. I’m really excited to share with you all what God is doing in that little country in His great big world.